Wednesday, March 31, 2004

I'm in Love...with George Washington!

Oh I am! I have been since I was about 4 years old. And it grows stronger and stronger. Especially now that I am reading yet another book about old GW, the original G. How one man and the decisions made affect history. Trenton and Princton. What a man! They don't make em like that anymore, letmetellyou.

Ahh, Porno makes everyday emails SPECIAL

All those alluring amatuers...not to be outdone by the sexy Grannies....and don't forget the giant clits.....and we'd be remiss to not mention those gals that want it up the ass....and they all LOVE "cum", it's true! Every last one of them! Tired of offensive images? I didn't think so!

I Objectify Men

I love doing it too, I love to look at them as pieces of meat, some of it prime, some of it destined for baloney. I like to think about x-rated things I could do to them while SPEAKING TO THEM, just to see if they pick up any vibes. I like to watch them as they walk around, check out their package, stare at their chests, that sort of thing. I'm an old pro and I ain't ashamed. Plus, if I had my way, I'd only hire good-looking, clean cut males, to indulge my every whim, I'd make then come in and rub my shoulders, bring me my lunch and generally do my bidding - with a song in their heart and a smile on their lips. I'd tell them they looked really good in red/white/green/whatever, they should wear it more often. I'd wonder out loud how such a dish was single. A girl can dream.

Fox31 Morning News

Has a way cute guy, check it out.

My Hurt Feet, or: How I Spent Last Night

Those shoes caused some sort of muscle reaction in my feet, whereby it felt as if they were trying to curl into a ball. Quite painful as you can well imagine. And strange. What price fashion? What price?!? I'm a Pisces, and everyone knows they have problems with the feet. Sexy, uncomfortable high hells contribute to said problemo. But, I laugh, I laugh at the pain. And wear my boots for my feet. Not the elf-boots though, they are for special occasions ONLY.

On a Day like Today, we Pass the Time Away....

Pat Boone, just right for the kind of mood I'm in: lovey dovey and ready for....the Beach. I'd like to go to the beach and get a nice tan. My tan is GONE, with the wind. Lucky for me, with my exotic background, my skin always has that healthy tan glow, I just like it to be much darker, San Tropei, burnt umber with a glossy sheen. *sexy*

Wogging

It takes a brave man to Wog, to Wog on a sidewalk along a very busy road.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Review of Reality?

Ok, I watch shitty shows, I do. America's Next Top Model, G-d I loved that show, I loved it! They showed it TWICE a week, which was great. I like Survivor, but only for about 15 minutes, then I get bored and switch in to MTV-II. On Mondays I watch Airline on some channel, it's good stuff, I would never work for an airline, I couldn't deal with the dumbasses. What times your flight? 2 pm? It's 2:20, you missed it fucker - back o' the line and no tears or bullshit. On Tuesdays I watch Real World, to get my hate on. On Wednesdays I rest. On Thursdays, I don't know. Listen, I'm a channel flipper, I stay at no channel for any length of time. I also don't watch cop shows. I watch HBO stuff, can't help it. And I watch Music Television. Like all the time dudes.

I've got the shoes blues today

Yeah, they're KILLING my feet, but they're so sexy and nice, I MUST wear them, plus they match my outfit. Now these shoes you'd never find on the foot of a granola-girl, they're much too stylish, the skinny strap around the ankle, camel colored, wedge-style high heels. Oh no, they'd never wear them, why they couldn't even WALK in them, while I CAN and DO. So I SCOFF at foot pain, if this be the price of fashion, then I pay up. And wait for two hours to pass so I can take them off and rub the feeling back into my toes.

It's too hot today

It is, is March dammit, I want cloudy skies - go OUT LIKE A LION already, since you've been a damn lamb too long.

Monday, March 29, 2004

You can't keep a good man down.

The Prez is storming back, and I like it baby! If he continues to weather this 9/11 panel storm I predict smooth sailing. Luckily most intelligent people realize that Clarke has a vendetta against the Prez as is just trying to push his profit margin on his book. It is also funny to me how he can blame Bush when the Prez had only been in office for 8 months before September 11 and yet Clinton did everything he could and it was his top priority for 8 years. Can I type Prez a few more times, Prez, Prez and one for the road...Prez.

I never knew

I guess the Women's NCAA B-Ball thingy is going on at this time too, hmmm I would never have known. I guess I'll just have to wait and see all the stars when they get to the big time, WNBA...ummmm yea right, anyways I have got to go.

Baloncesto part Dos

Well the Final Four is here, no huge suprises. I guess I'll have to wait another year for Southwestern Louisiana State Commuinty Vocational College for the Deaf and Blind to win.

Causing a Ruckus

I have been visiting some liberal sites try to pick fights. These pacifists will be tested. Mostly because I am bored and like to argue with people, but also because I like to hurt their feelings and make them feel icky. Well we shall see how this venture pans out.

Nothing brings me back to the 80's like...Lionel Richie

Slammed back into some weird-ass time I am glad is GONE FOREVER. Lionel Richie drove me up the wall then, and he still does. "Dancing on the Ceiling" is simply one of the worst songs EVER. How about "You Are" as in: you are the sun, you are the rain. Or..."Hello", is it me you're looking for? Oh Lionel, your hair still sucks - "and not in a good way."

Eye Doctor!

White tshirt ! Clinging! What a sexy little man. And clogs. But as you well know, I have decided to overlook the clogs.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Why are Movies NINE DOLLARS?

9 bucks and then I have to sit through fucking Twix commercials. If I MUST sit through commericals, then I demand Super Bowl Quality with Nudity, Profanity, Blood and Guts. For nine dollars I should get it. HOWEVER, there was a lot of "action" going on between the couple sitting beside me, well one person over. As there was a lot of strategic leg draping and suspicious movements beneath their clothing. I found that if I sat forward and I had a pretty good view. It was totally gross! It made me feel Dirty! Who am I kidding? There ain't nothing wrong with getting it on at the movies! Love! I love it! She was a Granola chick, sloppy and dumpy. He was kinda dumpy too but would clean up well I think. Granola Girls get the boys. I am so anti-granola chick you don't even know.

Eagles of Death Metal II

The more I listen, the more I like. Way better than Black Sabbath. Yea it is!

You Want To See Some Characters?

Take yourself down to King Soopers by Tamarac Square. Approx 6:45 pm Sat Night: Deli counter, old lady at cash register, flowered polyester dress, green heavy knit socks/knee-hi's, red shower sandals, earnestly speaking to the King Soopers deli clerk, wearing her King Soopers deli outfit and suave deli cap - atop of which was draped what looked like an open diaper. Some sort of deli promotion? Tie-in? I don't understand, I don't try to understand, I'm only here to give the facts. It's time like this I look around and wonder - where's the camera? And no, I won't sign release papers.

Friday, March 26, 2004

Fun at the Movies

This is a good article about some B.S. Global Warming movie. I saw the trailer for this trash last weekend. I immediately looked over and yelled LAME! I am so sick and tired of stupid movies like this. I am predicting that it will follow in the footsteps of over psuedo green movies like The Core and FLOP!

The Gods love Me Today!

I was supposed to volunteer today, but yeah-who, it was CANCELLED! It's awesome news really, as I was feeling a little ticked off having to waste my personal paid-time-off volunteering. Come on! As I stated before, I've gotten over the volunteer bug, all it took was lots of fluids and rest.

Being a City Girl is tough going.

The looks on their faces when you say: no, I don't bike ride. Or: no, I've never been camping. Me? Camping? Puhleeze. I could do it for one night two days at the most, and he'd have to be pretty fine/sexy and promise me a NICE night out under the stars for me to agree. I find I need Modern Bathroom Facilities. Working toilet, hot/cold water, shower. Everybody wants the Granola Girl. The Granola Girl that will camp with you for a week in the mountains, has her OWN bike AND bike rack, has dog slobber all over her car windows too! She wears jeans most everywhere, pulls her hair back all careless and natural like, always sports the wrong color lipstick, and wears fugly shoes. Okay? Got it! Go For It.

Keeping "Active"

Is not for me, and the men who practice the above - well, they're not for me either. People who partake in constant outdoor activity (you live in Colorado! they're sooo much to do!) are manic. I would also say they don't know how to relax. I am the MASTER relaxer. I like to relax and I like folks who like to relax as well. I don't need every waking minute outside of work taken up with something or other. I don't need activities on the weekend, EVERY weekend. I don't like to work up a sweat. I look foolish in bike gear, and bike helmets are for losers. Now, don't get me wrong, I do like to take long walks, just me and my Walkman. It's good to do. On occasion. Some of these tools I'm meeting need to give it a rest already.

I'm Going Through Doctor Withdrawal

I am posting from the home Castle, so no Dr. oggling today. Which is really too bad. I bet he wore the skin tight grey shirt....no! it was the white one, maybe the white V-neck one, can't be too sure it wasn't the black one though. Whatever it was, you know it clung just right. I think this guy is too active. Which brings me to my next post...

I've Been Told I Neeeed to Post

What? Post WHAT though? I don't have a thing to say, to write about, nothing running through my head. Now I'm thinking about....nothing. My eyes are being pulled to the left (MY left that is) to the TLC program about Singles! and the crazy blind dates that occur. Dates usually start off blind, any way you look at it. Blind because you don't know each other, having just met, or blind because you don't know each other, having never dated, or blind because you don't know each other, having only idealized visions of perfection. Any way you slice it, the gloves and glasses come off eventually, and knowing each other is inevitable. Speaking of glasses....

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

The care and eating of Koi

Can Koi be eaten? Are they as tasty as trout? Do they fight the line, or are they like lambs to the slaughter? Koi season is upon us. Yes, all winter the Koi have been swimming around and getting fat, making them plump and delicious for summer grilling. Plus, they're heart healthy. AND, they come in purty colors. Koi can be prepared in many delicious ways! I like Koi tacos myself.

I want the orange and white sploched one! With a Pabst and some tater salad. Hell, let's have Terry and Pam over too, we'll smoke Virginia Slims and whoop it up in the backyard. Ahh, summertime.

What they think.

Here is a sampling of what the Arab press is writing about the assassination of This guy, wait no, sorry body double I meant this guy. My GOD THEY ARE EVIL TWINS!

Oh Lordy

Look who's turning 40! It ain't me! I have been able to maintain my youthful beauty because of my regime, which included weekly baths in virgin blood. Yes! Isn't it crazy? But it works!

El Retardo Strikes Again!

I am SO ONTO YOU Simms17. That's right! Wipe that smirk off your monkey face! I mean it!

Eagles of Death Metal

Conan, 4/7/04. Watch it kiddies, they'll not disappoint. Gotta get my VCR all oiled and ready to RECORD, on my special Josh tape, which has recorded him in various positions (none of which were my choosing, so he's clothed), on various shows, doing his little act, with his little band, and his little jokes, and his flaming red hair.

I'm going to Philadelphia

Why? you ask - why the hell would ANYONE want to go to Philadelphia? After all, they ran Real World straight outta town! They just demolished their old lame stadium! People born in Philly are *weird*! To say the least.

This is why: Eagles of Death Metal - 4/6/04 - Kyber - Phiiilllledellphia Pencil-Vain-Ee-AA. Remember that song? Sends shivers up my spine...

People may leave Philly, but Philly never leaves the people. Gives me a hankering for a warm, gooey, delicious cheese steak sandwicho.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Voices of reason.

Israel is taking a stand by saying all militant leaders are marked for death. I wonder how long it will take them to knock off the Doc? Let's hope it is before dinner so I can watch it on da TV.

Shh!

They almost caught me this time! I will never go down, I will push foward with my pirated musak and party hardcore baby!

Bad sause

Ladies love it's cramyness, but enough about me, the problem here is bad sause.

Disturbing blah

I was more disturbed with the portrayal of the most influential spiritual figure to the majority of the world as just another guy loving well kept pussy. Then again I am just damn american speaking poor english and eating to many hamburgers, so what do I know! I also love how she eludes to the women dying in Kansas like it had something to do with the film. Old hags kick the can everyday watching Oprah and The Price is Right!

Whoop dee fucking dooo

The most whaterness of whateverness is this ness.

Picture show!

Let's take a trip down that ole lane and remember the way we were.

.....

Palestinians are just sick.

Nice doctor

The best doctor is a milant doctor.

Just a random thought.

I will never adopt a child because the last thing I need is stranger running around my house!

Hell nah!

I love filth and all that it entails. I can not, no I will not stand for this! I need to express my views and make fun of people with words like Retard and MOFO. Please, please say it ain't so! On a side note, comments are pouring in! There actually is some mild fights breaking out. This makes me happy because fighting is good, it is real, it is nature! Thank you people!

I'm Opening the Flood Gates

and letting the Filth pour in! To hell with ramifications and root causes! We love filth! You'll never stop the filth. Your only choice: submit! *eveel laughter*

Filth Has Been Banned From This Site!!

Commencing: as soon as we agree upon the definition of filth, then move forward with a thorough investigation of said filth, its ramifications, its BASE CAUSES, how we can better avoid filth in the future, how to cover the sensitive eyes of our gentle readers affronted by filth, how to compensate said gentle readers unable to sleep or eat since confronted with filth. Phew, so we'll have some definite answers next year sometime.

What is Sause?

Correct pronunciation: Saw-see

Sause is NOT semen. Sause is the essence of white trash. Sause is an inside joke you jokesters ain't in on. Sause goes with Pam and Terry like beer goggles and smokers cough. Sause is a Back Stab Setup the likes of which you ain't ever seen. Too much sause make you say ain't and dunno and double negatives and all that Jazz.

That is Sause.

Wedding ring? Check! Not!

No wedding ring. Which means: he's single, or divorced, or gay. The deadly trifecta. What will it be? I also found out he IS the eye doctor, all 120 cut pounds of him - soaking wet! And wait till you see how that white tshirt looks, all damp and clinging. Little show-off, what does he expect? Running around in skin tight shirts.

But I keep coming back to the CLOGS. Gawd! Clogs are L-A-M-E, can I overlook?....

Clogs are never appropriate. And don't give me any crap about "gardening" or "lawn work", that's what old sneakers are for. Are all clear on this?

I've decided to overlook the clog issue, that's just the type of open-minded gal I am, plus, like I would let clogs come between me an my object of perversion? No way!

Did I mention The Doctor today?

Looking good. Today, I check for the wedding ring. Yeah, and maybe make an appointment. But alas, my modesty stops me from entering the office and saying to the old ladies behind the counter - which on is the young cute one? gimme an appointment with him. Oh, to be brazen hussy....

I got da answer!

Ahhhh HAAAA I am not a doctor but I can diagnose this ailment, it is known as the, your fucking huge syndrome. Basically you need to go easy on the meals.

Eagles of Death Metal!

Got the cd last night, listened to it about, oh 5-6 times. Ok, first off, there are shades-shades-shades of old Desert Session songs, like the background vocals on "Polly Want A Crack Rock", well it's right there on "I Only Want You". The lyrics are funny too, all around it's a good bet. Can Josh do anything wrong? Other than makeout with yucky poser faux-hawkers? Not one thing musically.

So what - so Josh tweeks things, going back to old tunes batting around in his beautiful head - so what if sometimes things sound alike but what do I care!? Not a whit! Josh rocks my world so hard, I heart him, oh I does! AND I get a groovy new poster for my Wall - Of - Rawk.

So go get a copy already.

Special Sause

What is special sause? Hard to define, to grasp, to understand. It's an essence, a scent, a way of life that says: what da hell? Uh duh, uh duh. Oh yeah!

Hurted

That's how I feel. The old back is acting up again. I knew I shouldn't have lost my temper the other day and gone out and thrown those cars into that train.

Monday, March 22, 2004

Bwa-ha-ha

Yes! Indeed I destroyed this site! Just because I felt like it! My power is intoxicating to say the least. Now little brother has to work like a little fiend to get everything back up.

Oh, cry me a river already!

A duh?

Well here is a post from the No Fucking Shit Chronicles. So you should pay attention to people who are depressed? I always just ignored them cause I know that helps with their self esteem and shit. Oh and if that doesn't work just call them names and tell them in a really loud and firm voice, FUCK OFF AND DIE! That makes them feel like this.

Peaceshits

There was some bullshit peace rally in Denver on like umm I think Friday? The fact I am not sure of the date shows just how important and relevant the whole thing was. The thing that made me so upset was that the local news was carrying it like it was this huge news story. To me it is not a news story when 150 bitches without anything else to do on Friday at like noon, get together, bang drums and sing love my cock as your own songs. I also find it funny that these people didn't have to work on a Friday like the rest of the world. Oh that's right because it was a bunch of stupid rich kids and retired old hippies. I would hate to be down wind from those assholes, have you folks heard of showers and deodorant? Next time they have a rally I am going down there to ask these fucks a bunch of annoying questions and to possibly pick a fight. As you know if you read this stuff I type, I am a FIGHTA! I will kick ass at the drop of a dime so as the kids say, don't start nun if you don't want some! These fuckers call themselves MADCOW, I'll let you figure out what it means by clicking the link. They have a fucking Iraq body count going on their site. This count goes up for all deaths in Iraq, regardless of natural causes. It also counts the terrorists who die in Homicide Bombings. The number is so bogus and unreal that it is almost laughable. I am going to kick some cow ASS, I go to school with these fucks so I guess I'll have to make fun of them when I see them!

Whaaat?

Normal life, what does that mean like going out and attacking innocent people? Let's hope this break from the everyday rountine will last for a long, long time.

Wild Weekend!

Yes the little bastards are Fighting back! Take that Kentucky and Stanford!

Almost

That is almost done fixing my sisters destruction of the site. Women, I mean they get these big ideas like...working, and all hell breaks loose. No I don't care about your ideas, just get me my damn coffee, Wall Street Journal and get the hell out of my fine cherry wood office!

Night Out!

For those special occasion, Red Lobster. And when she slurps up the last drop of her frozen margarita, he reaches over with shaky-alcoholic fingers, to pull off the lobster necklace and place it gently around her neck. Cause she can keep it! The cup too!

Right on!

Terry & Pam

Terry: likes to drink, beer, likes to sit out on the porch on an overturned 20 gallon paint jug, sip his beer, wearing his stained wife beater and boxer shorts. Sometimes the beer wells up in him, no where to go, so he cries beer tears, but he ain't sad!

Pam: likes to SIP, beer, in her chilled Dunkin Donuts coffee cup, likes to sit in her HI-CLASS apartment, you know the one done all in BLACK, with GOLD accents, and PANDA BEARS everywhere? She drenches herself in White Shoulders, teetering and tittering around in her spike heels, all 6'6 300 pounds of gently scented womanhood.

They both like wrassling, and Lifetime movies. They both smoke cigarettes, HERS are Virginia Slims. Because she is a LADY - thankyouverymuch.

Part II: Night out!

Sunday, March 21, 2004

This Week's Tunes:

some Marty Robbins, Jim Croche, Depeche Mode, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Adam Ant, Faron Young, Sauvacito. No stoner rock this week. Although I did order Eagles of Death Metal, the new Josh(*!*) thingamajig. With a guy from the Millioniares. Good stuff. All around.

I Love Them Tender - Tracey and Fender...

What kind of pizza stone cracks - CRACKS - at 500 degrees? No kind of pizza stone at all. See what happens when you buy into a fad? Heartache dude. What could one possibly do with a cracked pizza stone? I'm sure the real energetic, thrifty, creative folk would make some sort of some-thing with it, in a garden perhaps....re-CYCLE...re-USE. I can't think of another use. I can't, I've tried, it's a no-go. So...into the Dumpster, where once again it becomes: Not My Problem.

Friday, March 19, 2004

Word!

I have to volunteer tomorrow and I DON'T WANT TOO! Goddamn it and my stupid passing civic pride bullshit fancy! Yeah, maybe FIVE WEEKS AGO I wanted to volunteer, now I've come back to my senses...TOO LATE. Too late! Now I MUST DO IT. They need a little quicker turnaround I think, from the time they get your application till they put your free-working-volunteering-fingers to work! What the hell am I doing? Who knows.

Doctor: Update: Friday

Lunch time - parking lot, I exit my car, turn to see my little Doctor walking to King Soopers for lunch (so sweet), he's even better out in the sunshine. I can't stand it! The fact he knows nothing - this chick he passed and smiled at along the way to the store has duuurty thoughts about his hard, little body and the good uses she could put it to - is mildy amusing, to say the least. Least.

Kick it up!

Let's take down 200 hundred today! What I mean is let's hit over 200 visitors. Come on now and do it, do it for the homies, THE REAL MUTHA FUCKAS!

NCAA

I am missing all the good games right now! This is sooo wrong, like this should totally be like a holiday or something. That is my Valley girl talking, but I agree with her. Fuck this bullshit of working on an 80 degree clear blue sky Friday! I won't stand for it any longer!

Comments

Look people start posting comments and clicking the links or else Ill sic these people on you. I don't want you to have to walk around with a face like this. Look I am not a bad guy, I dig getting jiggy wit it as much as the next guy. It is just that the retards that I call friends are starting to talk smack because of the lack of comments. I had to lay them out with some swift kicks to the crotch and as I stated prior I don't want that to have to happen to you.

Questions?

Well if you have questions you can ask me, or you can ask Frank.

Exotic Amateur Sausage

Not quite. Had a date Wednesday night with a nice Jewish boy. He was cute. No, the title came from an award at some Sausage Festival in Wisconsin. I like Exotic Erotic amateur Sausage myself. With mustard. And onion. Delish!

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Ex-squeeze Me?

Coolness of your own making? That's a laugh. Everyone knows that Simms17 would be a dork, rocking out to Hilary Duff or Lincoln Park or Snoop had it not been for ME introducing him to the Red HCP, or They Might Be Giants, or The Smiths - at the young and tender age OF SIX. Then, after the good strong musical base, I set him free, to find his own way.

They always forget, when they get big, who got them there.

And yes, you're on QOTSA probation! Not another word! Josh is so hurt, hurt-hurt-hurt. Yeah, him and his lame-ass 3 piece, all drunk and crazy and sexy, rawkin their little hearts out.

I think the world is ending

If you don’t believe me then just go and look at the news sites. There is nothing but doom and gloom. The sad thing is if Bush loses the election and the liberals get what they want, then the real trouble is going to start. The second the US pulls back into isolationism and hops on the "UN makes everything legit and perfect" bandwagon, is the second it is going to get nasty. People who think that the recent terror attacks and all terror attacks for that matter have to do solely with our Foreign policy are retards. Like I said if we pulled completely out of everything the attacks would increase and they would start to happen here in the US. These people are attacking us because they hate our way of life and they want to destroy it. These stupid hug and kiss bitches think that they can reason with the terrorist, feel their pain. That's bullshit because sometimes there are people who you can't reason with and all the love and flowers in the world isn't going to change that. Sometimes you need to hit them first. Everyone who thinks that all violence is avoidable has never had to deal with any violence. I tried to show this theory to the peaceniks at school. When they got in my face I said just hit them. They asked why and I hit them again. Then when the lesson was over I picked their heads up and told them that sometimes you have to hit back and defend yourself. I don't remember much after that; I think I went out and drank or maybe I just went home and masturbated. Wait no that wasn't me that was YOU!

A subtle rebuttal

My coolness is all of my own making. The music thing...that is all me too and with regards to the concert. I had forgotten about it maybe because I was falling asleep during it! I mean come on, I don't go googoo eyes for Josh Hominy and his three piece band. Sorry I need a little more substance to perk my attention.

BALONCESTO!!!

Yes the NCAA Division one Men's round ball extravaganza begins today! Therefore I will not be posting because I will be at the Pepsi Center hopping up and down, screaming with a sign. My sign will say something clever like Colorado Basketball is Super or maybe College Basketball Sucks. Well even though I disagree with the second poster I might still use it just to get on camera. Actually they wouldn’t put me on for that stupid poster. Luckily this is all a lie and I have to be here at work for the next eight hours and miss all the great upsets. I hate missing the opening round games because that is where all the drama is. When else can Butt-Fuck U knock off a team like Kansas or Arizona? Well never unless it is in the meaningless pre-season Not Interested Tournament (NIT) or some lame ass game back in November. The answer is never and that is why I must leave work early today! I always root for the underdog unless of course the teams I like are the…umm…overdog? It is what makes sports interesting. When nobodies make themselves somebodies. When the team of misfits can take down the rich kids! When the poor grammar kids like myself can rub it in the face of the private school punks. You ain’t gonna beat us, nah nah neva! Gosh I am getting teary eyed as we speak. I need to go and watch Hoosiers to get myself psyched up. Hmmm should have called in sick.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Phil Keating.com (again?? I know, getta life already!)

Has got some really ugly friends. I shun woven caps, winter hats, the kind you used to wear when it's cold outside and you're shoveling. Now it's all the bland white-boy trend. Blech. A lot of friends-o-Phil wear the cap - who'd a thunk? And there's HEIDI HEMMIT. Yeah, Heidi's from around my neighborhood! Lucky me! And when the two planes crashed midair she let her northwest denver creds shine when she reported LIVE from 32nd and Moncrieff. Which is pretty interesting, considering both streets run west-east, and shall never, ever cross.

You silly, silly beyotch. She's taking over Phil's spot as most ANNOYING NEWSPERSON IN DENVER. With her fake tough-reporter girl thing, Heidi's ON IT, she's got you COVERED. I'm tired people, so tired....

My Brother, some Hot Shot - here's his Ancient Chinese Secret...

Calgon, you know it! Brother, you went to see Queens of the Stone Age in October! Did you forget?? How dare you - HOW DARE YOU. I'm stripping your honorary Josh Homme badge. You are on PROBATION. Listen people - I try, I try to get him to listen to new music, I burn him cd's and say - hey, what'd you think of that band? He'll say: huh...duh...wha? Not necessarily in that order, and not necessarily all together. But, like I said, my coolness radiates off me like a red-hot sun, therefore Simms17 has got to get a bit of a tan. Anyway, everyone in the know knows the only the reason the sibling units are kewl is because of me...JacksOne.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

It ain't right

Phil Keating responds by saying, "I want my foreskin back!"

Word!

Here you go.

Here's an idea!

How about you go fuck yourselves! If you want a safe place to lay your heads down at night why don't you go and get a job? Then you can buy or rent a home like the rest of us! I hope to God that this bullshit idea does not get pushed through. There is no other way to make a city a truly great place, then to attracted all the losers of the world to it with the promise of your own TENT! Plus why would we want to follow in the footsteps of loservilles like Portland? Your Blazers are going down Rose town! Yes I can't wait to drive down Federal and Speer and have ten-fold the usual panhandlers!

Music make me happy

Yes music make me happy. I need new music and I need it now. I have been in a prolonged drought with regards to new music. I don't believe I have purchased anything in oh...a year? It hurted real bad to just admit that. Yes I know the english ain't proper but sometimes you need to express yourself through slanguistics. There is something else that is bothering me, no it's not the voices in my head or my aching back, actually it is the fact that I have not attended a concert in a year. Wow, what a loser. Did I mention I am only fhree en a half years ode?

Striking

The man was striking, a well-known character in Santa Cruz. Oh did I also mention he was a controlling socio-path who killed 9 women and children? But wait, that’s not how his friends and neighbors remember him.

Monday, March 15, 2004

Broken Record Time!

I can't stand it any longer! The eye doctor must submit to my will! The first step in the plan involves an appointment, to check the eyes and to CHECK HIM OUT. Maybe up close I'll be all like - no way...but I doubt it very much. He's so little and sexy and compact and hard muscled. I want him to sit in my lap, we'll talk charity and such.

Okay, this time next month - if I remember - I'll make that appointment. The first appointment for the first day for the rest of my semi blind life! Yeah!!! Then I'll take him to my casa and have MY WAY. Bwahaha.

If the eye doctor only knew....

Friday, March 12, 2004

Finally

I can now go home and eat. No I will not share with you fatty! Get your own damn food, wait no don't, go run or something. You need to work on your health if you want to be part of the big Corporate health thing next month. Plus I don't share anything ever! Oh yes indeed its FUN TIME!

Sooooooooo Long (Well long might be a major exaggeration, you dig?)

Phils last sha-boogie bang! There are many, many little people lovers here!

Philly

I saw him once too you know, while downtown at a bar. I actually gave him my famous shoulder slam while pushing in towards the bar. He gave me one of those, you know, "What gives", look. I shot back with a, "What the fuck you going to do about?", stare. I then got my beer and shot my final look of, "Better luck next time Biatch!".

PHIL KEATING HAS A WEBSITE!

Arrggg - uggghhh-blecchhhh! The emotions stirring within me - I cannot describe! I'm short of breath, my fingers are shaking and my knees feel weak! OH THE MAJESTY of this fucking tweetiebird mini-man fuckhead having a website fills me with....JUMP FOR JOY! JUMP FOR JOY! Time to get the HATE AAOOONN! Let's link up to that Simms17, pronto already.

Pucker up!

Kiss this co-workers! You know you love it!

reminds me of a song from the Village People

"Mama - where's the Heat? Gotta sleep with my socks on!"

a Suggestion to my "Peeps"...

Go out and get yourself a copy of SAHARA HOT NIGHTS. It's a band, an all-girl band from S-s-sweden and they R-r-rock. They do, oh they do. It's good early morning singalong bullshit rocknroll. You know, those Swedes know how to break it down: Abba? Hell yeah. Ace of Base? Right on. The Sounds? Hit it. And on, and on, and on.

So it's come to this?

It is so fucking cold in this damn office. I am sick of having to keep this place at like 62 degrees because of some fat-ass and women in heat. Look bitches if you want to keep cool then lose some weight or strap some blue ice between your sweaty thighs. Fuck it I'm turning up the HEAT!

Hmmm

Spell check Ell-idiot try using it.

Amazing

Wow what a boost to the wooden tooth industry!

Who you gonna call?

I scared!

Who in the hell would have sex with this beast!

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Crowd Cheers! Confetti! Dick Clark!

No, not New Year's - Super Intelligent Mystery Monkey's have broken 100 visitors in just, uh, SEVEN DAYS! (that's the "celebration" - get it?). Yagghhh! The din is overpowering! Drop the Ball! Glitz! Glamour! Mystery!

First, we must thank the big man upstairs. Then, the parental units. Then, you, our fan(s), we couldn't do it without you!!!!!!!!!

FYI

If you tickle me in just the right spot(or at all).....I'll hit you in the face!

What an idiot

Fucking Oregonian Liberals! If I am not spitting filthy language at a high enough clip for you, well then just let me know.

Goodness

Tim Blair makes me happy!

Oh right so now you tell me

They're back!

Jorge Miguel?

I wasn't even aware he was still in the buisness. Well now he can put all his focus into his first love....Anonymous Hardcore Gay Sex in Public Shitrooms.

Read and Enjoy

The D.C. SNIPER FREEDUH? GB 5 on da loose? Check, check, check it out!

We're Breaking 100 readers today - and We're Damn Proud!

Now all we have to do is get some COMMENTS. Statistically, and I'm figuring this out as I type (carry the 1, minus 4....) we should receive one comment from our adoring public within the next 100 visitors, from my calculations. Now, the calculations could be wrong, but of course, my doctor-rate in math-e-matics, I doubt it.

I got it BAD for the eye doctor and I cain't deny it

So little and cute! I can't stand it any longer! I must get my eyes checked! I must! Looking so fine in his tight fitting grey shirt. Delicioso! Muy Bien!

So Todd don't gets to play no more

Firstly, let me start by saying - hey, Todd is pretty damn sexy, all rough and tumble, sucker puncher that he is, and those tears, those tears got me right HERE, no lower, there you go. Todd, Todd, let me comfort you, rub your back, rub your stomach, hard with muscles from years on the ice, rub those muscular thighs, wipe away those tears little baby.

I can't comment on the injured Av's cuteness, as I remember neither his name or face.

Thusly, I shall end my sports commentary. Thank you.

Still on top

I forgot to blush my teeth today...pretty gross. On the other hand I am still cleanier than 99.9% of the people here!

Horrible attack

Hey they just want their independence.

Bestest!

Here they are top ten greatest flicks of all time and reasoning behind the decisions.

10 – Beat Street – Double K, Ramon, Lee and the rest of the gang. So what’s up wit dat punk?
09 – Goonies – With porno names like One Eyed Willy and Chunk how could you go wrong?
08 – Fight Club – Rule number one of fight club: No smoking in Fight Club
07 – Star Wars thru Return of the Jedi – Near incest love at its best!
06 – Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure – Yes way Nemo!
05 – Thunderheart – Which way does he go, left, right or back to the res?
04 – Gimble the Fool – My big screen debut in Senior English-pure poetry.
03 – Planet of the Apes (all 86 versions including the TV series) – I heart Monkeys!
02 – The Last of the Mohicans - How is it you go west? Face North, real subtle like turn left.
01 – The Neverending Story – Bastin, Dog thing and the land of the blue buffalo…need I say more?

So what if some of the quotes may be wrong that's how I remember them and in my book that makes them gold. If you don’t agree then get your own damn blog and make your own list!

The more you know...

Ok to all you metrosexuals driving in the fast lane doing 50 in your Canyoneros. When, and this is a big when considering it never happens, you look in your rear view mirror and you see large headlights moving toward you at a high rate of speed. Please either proceed to move out of the fast lane or speed your ass up! Otherwise I will be forced to monster truck Hunter and Cody’s' bullshit DVD playing, mobile land mass. Thank you!

Done, da done, done

Bye Todd, sorry it had to be this way. You know how it goes you being in Canada and all. Well anyhow see you when I see you.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

The Language!

I'm shocked! Shocked I tell you! Cee U Next Tuessdaaay.

One more thing I hate(people)

Just kidding, but I do hate when I am at work using the Internet and I am accidentally taken to porno sites or other sites banned by our firewall. The knocks are really starting to add up!

Things I hate

I hate lame cunts and the people who support them!

March Madness is coming!

All I want for Lent is this Viacom VS. Echostar (Dish Network) thing to come to an end so I can watch the damn college b-ball tournament! I do get allot of pleasure though knowing that thousands, possibly millions of kids and teenagers can't watch MTV. I also like the fact that old people can't watch Andy Rooney. He is a lame old man who needs to hurry up and die or at least get off the air.

Im back!

Yes I am back and still surprisingly no one was even aware I was gone? Well fuck off to you! Anyhow, the rest was nice; although I was sick half the time. No, no, no not sick in the head my good bastards, rather I was sick in the lungs. That my friend is a story for another time.

One more down.

Goodnight Abbas say hello to the virgins for me.

For reals?

You know your a real bitch when someone from the White Stripes beats your ass.

No shit?

The San Franciso Chronicle makes a bold statement. Well no shit and I thought all this presidential stuff was just for the people in Washington.

I got your jewels right here!

And you don't need the most powerfull telescope ever invented to see them!

What would Jesus do?

He would jump on the bandwagon and roll with it baby! Too bad I have the dish so mini for me.

Bert Who's he?

He's Todd Bertuzzi the lovable asshole from Vancouver who said that the Avs Steve Moore would be out of the lineup by March.

Monday, March 08, 2004

You Won't Have Phil Keating To Kick Around Anymore!

The tool is moving to Tex-ass, to become a Dallas-based national reporter for FOX NEWS. How do I hate Phil Keating? Let me count the ways....it all began one summer day several years ago, I was downtown, near Coors Field, perhaps I was attending a game, I can't remember - but I DO remember the sight of one cocky LITTLE MAN strutting down the street, giving all the girls the eye....Phil Keating. It continued, one day when I picked up a copy of 5280 "Most Eligible Singles" issue...and the sight of one cocky LITTLE MAN in a shiny python shirt and leather pants....Which brought me to one night in November, at a fashion show...and the sight of one cocky LITTLE MAN in fashionably (last year) washed out jeans/grey, with a matching grey type shirt and one diamond stud. I don't know why I hate Phil Keating, I just do. Chump. Phone Book Sitter. Good Riddance - you're Dallas' problem now! Finally, Sari Pador's chance to SHINE.

Some may say - JacksOne, you're just jealous YOU'RE not one of Denver's Most Eligible Singles. Yes, that may be true, but it's also true I'm one of Denver's BEST KEPT SECRETS. So There. Plus I'm ravishingly beautiful (have I mentioned that before?).

It also goes to show that the bland, mediocre, mild-as-opposed-to-hot-sauce type of people gain quasi-stardom for being the blandest, mediocre-est of the bunch. Tom Brokaw, Peter Jennings....Phil Keating. Mark my words people - he'll be some national news anchor in a couple of years, resting his tiny behind on GOLDEN phone books and laughing all the way to the bank.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Desert Sessions - Crawl Home - Euro IMPORT (!)

With the VIDEO for "Crawl Home". I'm reassured, reassured that Josh won't become some MTV slave, he insists on making videos that are way too boring for the average viewer. The video is boring, just Josh and PJ arguing in a car. Yes, Josh looks delicious, as USUAL. I heard there was a pic of Josh making out with that joan-jett-wannabe-psuedo-sneering-punk-rock beyotch from the Distillers. I'm shocked! Shocked! PJ Harvey is: more attractive, smarter, she rocks hard for a woman and does her own thing, she is rock royalty. While The Distillers make uninspired, run-of-the-mill, fake-tough-girl music. She was married to a guy from Rancid (eye roll), enough said. The Distillers were the 2nd act when QOTSA was here in October. They suck. She sucks. I really wanted to see Millionaire, but arrived too late, in the middle of The Distillers set, I shook my fist at the Gods on that one - but what can you do? On the bright side, my favorite songs - Regular John, Mexicola, If Only - were all played. I have no idea why I'm writing this, as the concert was months ago.

Saturday, March 06, 2004

Controver-see

I eat humans. Minorities and down-trodden Only. Please Comment.

Roasting Miller Moths

In the Cheap-Ass light purchased at WALMART, months fly in and they don't fly out. The landing may have happened months ago - and you're totally clueless till you turn on the light. 10 minutes pass. A smell, of burning something or other fills the air. Taking you by surprise, you're all like - what's burning - where is this coming from? Your lamp dumbass, your stupid lamp.

Hey Dorks -

Home on Saturday Night - punching in those keys on the Board - looking up the blogs, reading the bullshit. The Same Boat - that's what I am in. COMMENT - I DEMAND COMMENTS.

Blogs for Bush

Hello viewers. Wait for the Brother (mine) to post, because that's what you're looking for. I just write bullshit. I shun party lines, I shun descriptions and contraptions. Now's the time for rambling bullshit, because that's what I feel like, and dammint, SIMMS do what they want - when they want.

Friday, March 05, 2004

I don't know what to write - but I feel I must write something.

Witty! and Engaging! Unforgettable! Life changing! So I can be on Oprah and worship her up close. She'll be all like - JacksOne, what got you here? I'd answer - some dumbass blog - can you believe it? Plus the fact I lost 1700 pounds, that and adopting the 22 children, oh and my work with the headless orphans. I'm blessed! I was blissfully unemployed for a couple of years, living of the dividends you know, and had the chance to watch Oprah nearly every day. Oprah is one step away from a poison kool-aid debacle. In the Windy City - on the Magnificent Miiiillleee - in the Harpo studios. All the ladies, laid out on the floor, hair and makeup just-so, their Sunday best on, nails polished, matching purse and shoes - and really, a perfect little ending to a perfect little life. *sigh*

It's my Birthday Too!

It was Tuesday that is. And what did I get? Nothing. However, that's not to say I won't get anything EVER. In fact, I left a very detailed list: one international rock star, about 6'5, red hair, Elvis lips, way cool, totally rawkin. I promise to feed him regularly, walk him when I'm in the mood, and most importantly, keep him nice and clean with regular baths, which I will perform with great solemnity and perversion, because to me, that's just a good combination. I swear! This I swear! And this has to happen SOON, as the drink is pulling said rock stars looks earthbound - so in a couple of years he may very well be Keith Richards. And then, who cares?

Weekend!!!!

Yes it is the weekend and for me it's three days off! Plus Monday is my b-day so that makes it a National Holiday. Mark your calendar, set your alarms and head on out to the malls. My birthday is a day of giving...to me, so ummm I like Underground Hip Hop and Rock music. I love DVD's and if you’re into the whole clothes thing I wear 32-34 pants and large shirts. Have a fond twinkle in your eye this weekend as you think of when I was a mere twinkle in my parents’ eye. Thank God my parents only did "IT" three times in their life (One for me and one each for my to sistas). Also people need to start posting comments, even if you don't like us. Tell us to fuck off or get lives. Trust me you can't hate me as much as I hate myself. Well have a great weekend everybody and I hope the world doesn't end before Tuesday!

He's still alive?

Yes unfortunately Ed M. Kennedy has not yet drunk himself to death. Therefore from time to time he says things.

Vegetarians think twice

I thought the croutons were just mushy!

It's a good thing?

Martha Stewart found guilty on all four accounts? Looks like the old blue light special ain't getting her out of this one.

Let the bias begin

First up Energy Drilling vs. Conserving in White House Race . Notice the language used and structure in the article. I thought news reports were not supposed to include opinion?

I am SO over Ben Stiller

Yeah, here's his act: huh? me? don't know what's going on. I'm surprised. Taken off guard. People don't respect me. Aren't I adorable?

To which I say: Yes Ben, once you were, now you're NOT. Why I remember watching your show on FOX years ago, and I said - now this man is FUNNY. Now everything is "Something About Mary" regurgitated. Boring.

From the land down under

Apparently Denver isn’t the only place in the world where granolas in old beat up Subaru’s cause trouble.

Stepping up?

The best reforms ever and no kids are going to drink EVER!

When will it ever end?

Democrats and the Congressional Black Caucus have a new country with problems to blame Bush for. They have such short memories.

Helping hands

I wish I was hyper-liberal, 100 pound, chain smoking weakling from Europe.

Dude you're no longer with Dell

Lame ass commercials cited as main reason for departure.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Speaking of Josh Homme

I need to post some pics of my number-one boyfriend.

Deep-rooted myth of cousin marriage based on Poor Research?

I don't care IF Albert Einstein married his cousin - it's wrong. I say this only because my cousins are in no way worth marrying. Plus, they're very ugly - my siblings and I obviously got all the GOOD genes (have I already mentioned how pretty I am? and modest?). So, once again I'm shut out of the whole "kissing cousin" thing. Now, let's say my cousin were JOSH HOMME, well then - I'd say: Cousin - start your engine!! *grrr*

You learn something new everyday

I have found a new thing to hate.

Who writes this shit?

Is the LA Times for real?

Tons

Hmm..80 people demonstrating, sounds like a massive out cry!

I'm confused

Wait a second I thought the war and situation in Iraq was about oil and had nothing to do with Al Queda?!?

Cookie or condom?

Kids these days, so diverse!

Burn him!

I was just wondering the other day, whatever happened to old Mark Fidel Kools, err I mean Hasan Akbar? There is always some crazy fuck who likes to make a hero out of criminal.

Public restrooms suck!

I hate public restrooms they are much too public. The restrooms and the people in them piss me off. There is some fat guy causing trouble and some kid running around like fucking demon. Then you have the lovely mess that comes with the commune restroom. Nobody flushes toilets, the floor is wet and you are too nervous to even to try to figure out whether that is mud by your left shoe. I also hate work restrooms, you walk in and there is always someone there and your just praying to the Lord that they don't cut in with some small talk BS. That's why I am one with my bladder. I contain my urges and show them whose boss. Why can't people just stop being so nasty and be more like ME!!

One More Thing, about The Passion

A gentlemen in my office (verrry religious) was telling another employee about the Passion, he's going on and on - then the 2nd guy says "Wait! Wait! Don't tell me how it ends!" Oh yes, and did I mention Santa didn't die for your sins EITHER?!?

The Eye Doctor is IN

Looking very fine in a tight white shirt, have I mentioned his stance - back straight, shoulders back, chest out? What is it with the little man? I don't know...all I know is I need him to gaze deeply into my eyes soon, as he whispers in my ear "next line...ah, no that's a 'D'"....

President Bush - terrorist?

It seems like all this terrorism "stuff" is just that - STUFF. That's right people - you're being manipulated by the President. Another VRWC. Of course. I feel so much better, all those terrorist bombing? Bush administration. Manipulating YOU, of course. A relief! The burden! I feel so light and airy. Now we've got nothing to worry about! And when President Kerry takes office, we can invade piss-ant countries (Haiti anyone?) at WILL! Additionally, we will bend over and take it from the UN, and everyone else - just get in line! We're going to have our cake and eat it too, because Kerry is for AND against ALL issues! We've got you covered! This was all brought on by some dumbass caller to AM radio this morning, saying Bush fits the profile of a terrorist. Give me a fucking break.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Driving in Denver

It's how it always goes, you're driving along, making good time - up ahead you see a line of cars, crawling along, why? The reasons are many, here are a few...

1. A Buick. You know there will be trouble if there's a Buick in front of you.
2. Handicap sticker - same diff, pure trouble
3. Howard Dean sticker - and you think, like, they can drive the speed limit?
4. Dog slobber covered windows
5. Baby on Board sticker
6. Women

They cruise along, in the "fast" lane, a steady 25 mph. A line of cars? A mile long? Huh - cars BEHIND them? There are cars there? Wha? Duhhhh. It's pure arrogance, coupled with stupidity. You ain't going nowhere - so just sit back and wait for them to putt-putt home, or a chance to pass.

And don't get me started on phantom brakers.

For the price of a daily Latte - You could sponsor a Handsome Iraqi Man

There's THOUSANDS, they're EVERYWHERE. Yowzer, these are fine looking men, fine looking. It's time to do...my part. I'm willing to open my huge, western home for a few special immigrants. Firstly, the amenities: hot/cold water ON COMMAND, 24/7 television with 400 channels (!) including "sexy" channels, phone & internet access, centeral air, electricity a full 24 hours a day, pillow top mattresses with 500-thread count sheets, "haute" section of Denver with a view of Sloan's Lake and the QWEST sign (corporations rule!), hardwood floors, w/d, off-street parking and ME. And I'm so kind, and funny and PRETTY (did I already mention that?) and I make all the decisions, and I'm the boss, and it's not a democracy in the JacksOne world, (so they'll feel right at home). All I have to do is fill in the form and mail off my check! Right on! Charity starts at home, preferably in my lap.

How much for the kid?

Can you say Brat-a-tat-tat?

Scourge of the Earth!

Our Fault? Oh right, and dont forget all the droughts and plagues!

Marriage...It's for ALL Tools, not just Straight Ones

I agree. The USA should recognize and legalize same sex marriage, it will happen in my lifetime. I'll trot out the old "my best friend is gay" line (he is), we've been friends since 1985 and he is a fine, upstanding gentleman who would make some lucky guy a wonderful husband. He is one of the best people I've ever known, gay or straight. He doesn't screw dogs or children (I've read the "once gays can marry, I can marry my dog - what's stopping me???" line too many times, - bitch, please.), he doesn't troll the parks for easy prey, gay pride parades make his skin crawl, he's kind to old people and animals, he works hard, he's funny and smart and kind and responsible. He's single, he wants kids, he wants to be married, I want him to have that chance. I hope he gets it.

That being said - I'll state again I'm not a one-issue voter, so I'll still vote Bush. Well, I am a one-issue voter in the sense I vote for the candidate I belive will best crush the freakazoid islamic death worshiping aholes to a fine powder. No matter how long it takes. Plus, Bush is WAY cuter than Kerry.

Homo say what? Homo say I do

I am having a thought while on some down time here at work. Aren’t there much cooler things to fight about in America than gay marriages? I mean come on! It is just such a non-issue that it makes me want to gag like no other time in my life. As I stated lets divide on generally much cooler issues like umm...earned income credits for people over the age of 25 making less than 12 G's a year or how much Islamic Fundamentalists suck. These are much better issues to fight and yell over. Now I don’t want you to get the wrong idea here, I am no UFL, but I do feel strongly that unity and stability should be strived for with all relationships gay or straight. As my bold sister put it, "…50% of all straight marriages end in divorce, what mockery of marriage will gays make that hasn’t already been made by heteros?” So come on gang don’t be haters give the gays a chance and let's take down those filthy McNasties abusing the US Tax System

Somethings blowing in the wind

I have a new motto for my life. I am living out my life vicariously through my Mothers ethnicity. I want to be hip and it is hip to be multi-ethic now.

Sucka think he good

Went and saw the Passion for the second time this weekend. Very powerful cinema, we had to wait 30 minutes to get the tickets and then two hours just to get into the movie theater. Fandango you say? Well no my good minions we are to far sighted as humans to actually think of things like getting the tickets ahead of time! So anyways, people are being relatively good in the lines. Then there’s this one guy who starts trying to weasel his way forward. You know it only takes one jerk to get the whole crowd into a frantic panic. Well I had to step in and give him the shoulder with a slight fore arm shiver. I know, its not what Jesus would have done, but hey I want to see this movie and Philip might have stolen my seat if I hadn’t laid down the law.

Going to focus on mustard now?

Who cares about Clinton Portis? I don't, I am more upset with the departure of Eddie Mac. Forget the Cowboys, Where have all the Broncos gone?

Hello Theerree Eye Doctor

From my desk I have a view of the entrance to our vast, steel and glass skyscraper - 100 stories high atleast, and anyways, there is this Eye Doctor I see every morning, he wears this tan corduroy dress coat, and it fits well but is kind of rumpled, it looks good, sharp, understated, a touch intellectual. He wears clogs, which is weird.

He's short and skinny, but the type of skinny that's all muscle, with a big nose and short black hair, so cute. And man, let me tell you he walks with PURPOSE and DIRECTION, and he parks his car as far out in the lot as he can! Healthy! Strong! 20/20 vision! No eye-candy today - pun intended - he never showed up - the bum! He's older too, verrry nice, hairy and dark-eyed. I am a pervert, I will admit that right now. "There is no shame in the monkey house"

Make love to the hardrive

Have the name, now just need to think of something to type. I wonder if the IT's at Corporate are monitoring the good old internet use like they say they do. Let's hope not for both your sake and mine

Words of wisdom

Wow, we finally did it. I think I want my nicname to be NAUFL or Lowaa. Well anyways now the world, or at least the 2 people I send this link to, can read my inane ramblings rather then listen to them. Here is my sport "Nugget" for the day. Give Carmelo Anthony the ball, and just let him shoot. Gotta Love my Nuggets!!!

Hello Brother, hope you have access

Hello World, or the one or two humans reading this (minus myself of course). This Blog will be used to write about anything I choose, since I'm the supreme leader. It may be about some great music I just discovered, good books I have read, evil men/boy-childs I have had the displeasure of coming across, (their numbers may be few, but their legacy is never ending), my love/hate relationship with MTV, reality shows, mostly it is for ME, so I may vent through the keyboards, and g-d knows I need too.

Maybe some political bs thrown in for good measure. Oh, and don't forget Sports. This will be left up to my fellow Monkey, as he is the quasi-expert. If I write about sports, it will probably involve cuteness. As in: Jake Plummer, I can't tell you how relieved I was to get cuteness back in the quarterback position.

You may ask how we came up with the name SIMMS, it took a lot of thought. We ARE super-intelligent, we are VERY mysterious, and we love monkeys. There you have it.

Enjoy!

S.I.M.M.S.

Today's the first day of the rest of your Super Intelligent Mystery Monkey life - make of it what you will