Monday, June 28, 2004

Denver/Boulder Number One for Singles?

Can you believe this crap? Can you believe it? I was sent a link to some sort of article from some sort of magazine that says Denver/Boulder is #1 for singles in America? Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, it IS if you're a trendy little granola, then it's live heaven on earth. If not, it's tre boring...oh it is I am telling you!

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Here's a name you haven't heard in a while: the EYE DOCTOR

You know, when you get down sometimes you don't see those little things that brighten your day. Like a diminutive dish in a tight white t-shirt, streeetching his arms behind him, thereby pulling the shirt tight across his small but very muscular chest. Right on. Good to know the juices are still a'flowin.

The Nuggets just acquired TRACY McGRADY!!!

Now...wouldn't that be a cool sports headline? To bad it isn't true, oh well I guess I will just have to watch the draft and find out which player I have never heard of they will draft. I guess Globalization can be good! Thanks to the NBA plenty of foreigners are eating well and wearing dope threads! Word UP!

" I did not say I would mow your lawn on Wednesday"

he said, very-very seriously, pointing his finger, with his smarmy accent. But you did Simms17, you abolutely - positively did say you would MOW MY LAWN ON WEDNESDAY.

You see, when you deal with this Monkey you got to ride him, bug him, pester him, because he is an first-rate, a-plus lazee-ass. So, now he'll dream up ANOTHER excuse for why oh why he can't mow my lawn this weekend: "I didn't say I'd mow your lawn this weekend", "it's raining" , "the grass is wet", "I can't breath, it gives me asthma", "I'll mow it NEXT weekend" etc - etc - etc.

And why does Simms17 have to mow my lawn, as opposed to myself? It's a deal I cut, for the use of my fine european automobile...

An observation:

London boys answer winks! Ah yes they do! It's heartwarming really. And so - so - so many cute ones too. I actually met a very nice guy last night, he's funny and smart and shares JacksTwo's birthday, which is cool. So....I'll probably never see him again. But this Monkey is wise TO IT. Billy Idol also shares JackTwo's birthday, and I never realized but with rebel yell he cries "MOE MOE MOE...moemoemoooeeee...." Billy Idol was once a baby-doll, now he's a bundle of nerves and wrinkles. Yech.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Dear God what is that thing!?!?

Oh’s just your run of the mill Southside of Chicago crack head. I just got back from a business trip to Chicago and I have to report that Chicago freaks by far out freak Denver freaks. Kathy Sabine would have been so proud! Yea I’m freakin serious dude, its kind of rad. Well not really, it's kinds of scary, especially when you have to perform a fucking project in the middle of Freakdom and your partner in crime is a fucking oblivious white (I have no clue of what danger is or who bad people are) asshole. I finally had to tell the bitch to roll up her window and lock her fucking doors when entering into a bad neighborhood and please do not feed or associate with the crackies, that only encourages them. On a bright note I ate lunch at the Teamster HQ and am happy to report that those union bastards cook a mean pork loin. All in all Chi-town was not bad, Humidity sucked, I would have liked to have had better company and to not be doing a huge project during the visit. Oh well that is life and shit. Thank God for my Vacation next week.... I can't wait!

Im back!

Well I have some bad fight to save Colorado Cafe on Speer and Federal has died. Yes folks I came up short but still I feel someway I became a man while fighting DA MAN! It fucking sucks yo! Where now can I go to get my $1.99 steak and eggs? Deggos...Coral Room? NOWHERE, that's where! Oh well I guess you could look at the bright side and say that thousands of stray north Denver cats no longer have to live in fear of death at the hands of the mighty CC Chef. How else do you think those damn steaks prices where kept so low? I promise to never abandon you bitches ever again and that's word.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Citation for Stupidity

Just finished reading an article in the RMN about an old, senile couple who took in two stray pit bulls that ended up attacking them. Huh? Stupid asses, stupid asses like this just piss me off. God's little humanitarians. Pit bulls are mean, stupid dogs, and I've yet to see one that shows me different. They're usually being lead around by mean, stupid people. And so these chumps find two on the street and take them in? Oh, yeah and it's okay to have the grandson go play in the backyard with the new sweet, sweet doggies? And you're SURPRISED they ended up attacking? Sometimes, people just piss me off. Dogs too. Dogs and people, just don't get me started! I have found that most people who love their doggies to death, don't have that great of people skills. Go figure.

Monday, June 21, 2004

Have you checked out Rasputin's penis?

All's mind-blowing! You see, big penis = power. You can't deny it, the legend of a big penis will live long after the man has died. Milton Berle for instance. Who else, who else? And, men who are well-endowed always have to TELL you they're well-endowed, and some even send pictures as proof, I love those types of men. Yep, and men from Turkey who answer your ad online ALSO have to tell you how big "they" are. It's like you can't escape - but wait - who WANTS TO?

Is anybody tired that this blog no longer has one damn thing to do with politics? I feel like I'm striking out in new territory, showing all you peeps that just because you're conservative doesn't mean you're some uptight little weenie! Get it??? HAHAHA

I'm flipping through the North Denver Tribune this weekend

And those lame-ass peace-lovin Grannies were right in my backyard! Where was I?? Probably mourning my non-event UKB bitter past now what thing. Blech. It's so asinine and high school drama bullshit. Aren't we funny? Aren't we cool? Aren't we way smarter than you? Uh, no. They had the greatest letter though in the paper, from a long-time North Denverite thanking all the newcomers that know what's best for ALL of us, oh yes, it was heart-warming! And so right on! They do know best. So just sit back and let them do all the thinking for you. It's the easiest that way.

I'm getting a sign made for my yard. It will have the stop-sign, but instead of saying "stop" it will say "submit", and beneath it "to WalMart"

So John Kerry's in Denver today

Big fucking deal. Will any Republicans go out and demonstrate against him? And, if so, will we see lots of time spent by local channels interviewing said protesters? I don't think so. Anyway, conservatives have to do things like WORK, so they have little time to be out there wasting time, I mean, we have much better things to do, like exploiting the downtrodden, closing public housing, kicking around the homeless, eating caviar and endangered fishies and driving our big gas-guzzling American SUV's. What a life I tell you - what a life!!

Back to ONLINE DATING - woohoo!!!

Here's the funny thing, a guy that sent me an email over a year ago just sent me another, and I'm pretty sure it's the same damn letter with no changes at all! Once I was naive, now I am not - so NO ANSWER. That's right! It's a cold, hard impersonal personal online world. Feelings are meaningless, so don't have any. People are weird. People can't write. But what's a Monkey to do? Hmmmm? Monkies need love too.

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Who's that Girl?

Quein esta nina? It's Madonna - er, Esther. It's Esther. Leave it to Madonna to corrupt a beautiful religion. I wish she would of found Islam, and now she'd be covered from head to toe in her burka. Ahhh, one can dream. I like Madonna, I have all of her albums, sans the last, but once she gets political I just roll my eyes. These chumps are here to ENTERTAIN ME, they are blank as can be, and they've seen it before and they've done it before and they think that they like it but no they don't like it, and that's what I like - don't start pontificating you megarich bitch - I don't have the time. You don't know ME, or how I live, you're so far off in your own little land, I don't give a goddamn what you think about GW, not one bit. Just help me dance, for inspiration.

And Morrissey: I liked you better when your loathing was self-directed. Get a life. Better yet: get fucked. I think you just may like it.

I probably got that spanish wrong up there, sue me.


I drove around this cold, wet town, listened to Queens of the Stone Age, full blast, head on, shaking windows and vibrating my body and I felt better and stronger and faster. I felt bionic. This monkey is BACK yeahhaaaaawwwww!


This past week was a hard one, crying big old monkey tears at the drop of a bananna - but not now! Resiliant! That's me! Life, it's all about expression, you only live once and you're not coming back, so express yourself.

The jungle is a hard place,and it can get you down, way down low. But - so what? You get back up and climb the vine my man.

My monkey is out there, and I'll find him and then I'll have my way bwaahahahahah

Monday, June 07, 2004

Went to the People's Fair this weekend

I always like it, it's always pretty fun...ESPECIALLY the Demented Grannies, who run around in Little House on the Prairie dresses and sing their silly little songs about big bad bombs and GW. Puhleeze. I'm venturing a guess here: old white ladies...upper-middle-class, Mums and Pops paid for college, you married right after (just like you supposed to!), had your 3.5 children or whatever, but you've got the kids! Let's see, you were teachers or social workers, no other choice, now you're all bored and SCARED about G-dub! Bombing everyone! Making "them" hate us even more! Hate is bad! Peace is Good!!

They remind me of a whole gaggle of ladies-who-lunch, and one time I was lunching with them, and the presumed I would vote for Hillary Clinton for President, you know, because we both have vaginas or something. They were AGHAST when I said -uh, no way. I then proceeded to explain why that would NEVER happen, and I would NEVER vote for a woman JUST BECAUSE she is a woman.

These women remind me of them - all pat answers and slogans and nonsense. They give women a bad name, like we're all peace-at-any-cost kind of pacifists, we can't handle the truth. Stupid old bitches, that what I always say.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004


I really do not feel like writing anything today. All I can think about is how badly I want to go on Vaction. There that is may post. SEE YA!

Will My Lazy-Ass Monkey Bro Post Today?

He says he will, we'll just see about that. He's going through sports withdrawal, when he watches Sports Center at night, it's like he's staring off into nothingness, poor kid. Maybe it's time to take another look at the Rockies.