Super Intelligent Mystery Monkeys

Why the Highlands suck.

2006-05-25T12:06:00.000-06:00

And NOW I have to meet my damn neighbors? Because of my social butterfly hubby? Huh? He's here 3 months and already knows more people then I can shake a stick at? Geesh.

You ask: Does marriage impede on your porn viewing?

2006-05-25T12:02:00.000-06:00

Yes. Yes it does.

And another thing

2006-05-25T11:32:00.000-06:00

About my life: on my third job since starting this here blog.

2nd job: working for a couple (Mid-50's male, started Co. - mid-30's female). Let's start with the female, or Skins (being anorexic and all, I find it quite fitting). This chick would CRY if candy bars were left in the office. Made her way to the bathroom after each and every meal, and chronicled every piece of food that passed her chapped lips.

She also made life hell for me in that: she accused me of leaving 1-2 minutes early (going off of her CELL phone time); made me rewrite, rewrite and rewrite stupid workplans (task: learn title work, her answer in red pen just like a teacher: what does this mean? Just what is says Skins, just what it says) I would rewrite workplans up to 7-8 times, long after the actual work was COMPLETE, wouldn't get an over-the-door coat hanger for my jacket, wouldn't put batteries in her digital camera herself, wouldn't water her plants herself. All in all, a real pain in the ass. Expected absolute perfection from day one. She would ask me to write a letter, I would write it and send it to her, she would, of course, have a billion changes. I would update and send to her, she would then start changing her changes. Ugh.

Anyways, that job ended in February, when they let me go. Becuase Old Man and Skins were going to try for a baby, and with Skins doing all the "heavy lifting" they needed someone with more experience. So I was buh-bye. I was upset, but relieved as well. Took me three weeks to land a killer job: public company, assistant to CEO/Chairman, $8000 bucks more per year, stock options, paid parking, kick-ass office on the Pearl Street mall.

One thing I hope though: I hope Old Man is shooting blanks. Amen.

So...here we are again Motherfuckers

2006-05-25T11:20:00.000-06:00

I didn't realize I had erased all links, from the past. Phew. My how things have changed. Firstly I am married. Yes, I'll let you catch your breathe. So I am married to a UKB. Gotcha! My plan worked! And yes indeedy I love the accent. Secondly, I bought two pairs of fugly shoes from REI. I know! What is happening to ME? Thirdly, I got a dog. Oh gawd yes it's true and sometimes I wonder what the hell I am thinking. Fourthly, I got a scooter. It just will never end.

Pretty soon there will be little difference between me and all the white tools which surround me in the "Hiiighhhlaaaands."

The Past

2005-08-29T08:53:00.000-06:00

The past is always an interesting thing. Some people say the past doesn't matter. Some people say it does. Some people say it doesn't when it really does. Ah, the past was with me this weekend. I'll go on later.

Televisison Post

2005-08-25T08:13:00.000-06:00

The last episode of Six Feet Under. It made me realize that I do not want a glimpse into the future. Not at all. It made me feel all weird like. Then I felt more weird when I realized I was feeling weird over a television show. Geesh Luis Leon!

I am Su-Su-Tsunami'd out

2005-01-19T19:10:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to delete this title, because it's too damn good.

I've Got a Pet Peeve

2004-07-28T14:06:00.000-06:00

It has to do with license plates and month/year stickers, and I've noticed that certain folks 'round these parts just cain't seem to foller directions, and end up placing them stickers all over, EXCEPT the part where theys supposed t'go.

Take for instance, a lovely, sun-hardened-blond woman driving her Explorer in my neighborhood, with her "save a Forest remove a Bush" bumpersticker. Like the beat-up 1990 Celica covertible that parks in the same garage as me. Tags all messed to hell. Or the mommy minivan, GMC. Kerry sticker. Fucked up tags.

Isn't it funny..

2004-07-26T12:06:00.000-06:00

How liberals are all for free speech just as long as it is speech that agrees with them. Leonard Gendron, of Boston found out just how hospitable the left can be while trying to exercise the same right as the Peace Protester during an Anti-War rally Sunday in Boston. Look you liberal bitches Leo has just as much right to be ranting and raving about all his crazy shit and you do about yours. That is a very hard point to get across to a liberal.... trust me! Just because you don't agree with what is being said does not give you the right to silence it, it is that simple!

Linda please!

2004-07-23T10:07:00.000-06:00

Listen Ron-hag only open your mouth to sing and eat, preferably less on the second. Linda had another outburst at her latest show and again the people bolted! Although I do believe Neo has solved the mystery behind all of this! The Bayou Buzz also has an excellent take on this entire circus!

Filthyness

2004-07-23T10:03:00.000-06:00

UKB'S are doing the nasty and spreading nastyness around the great wide world! Keep it in the pants fellas!

Is John Kerry in Denver today?

2004-07-23T09:57:00.000-06:00

WTF? Who cares?? I don't. Not one little tiny bit. Not at all. Rest assured we'll see story after breathless story of John Kerry and his boyfriend John. Listen, I'm all for man2man love, really couldn't find a bigger fan than this Monkey, but I think the age difference is pretty huge. I mean, what does John have in common with John? Nothing. John is just looking for a Daddy and John is happy to be one. Lead the way. Show him what's what and what goes where. It's kind of...a bit...tiny bit....touching. A Precious Moment moment.

I was rear-ended last night

2004-07-23T09:53:00.000-06:00

Not in THAT way. In the way: homie-d out Lexus hit me, going about 10 mph. All is well. But this monkey has a sore neck and jaw to show for it. No damage to the Saab - thank G-d!

So it begins!

2004-07-22T14:07:00.000-06:00

I told the world that the monkeys were coming and you bitches didn't listen. Here is the proof, click it if you DARE!

Fo realz?

2004-07-22T14:04:00.000-06:00

Simone! Apparently I just drove through a wall cloud and word is that ain’t ever been done before. I knew I was good people, but I just had no idea I was this damn good!

FUCK!

2004-07-22T13:21:00.000-06:00

I just got pounded by a couple of inches of marble sized hail and rain on I-70 in Aurora! It got so bad I had to throw my truck into 4-wheel drive! It's a complete white out...errr water out...umm anyways you can't see shit and it's a free for all, so if you got the guts then get the glory! I also had to create a contraption out of my windshield sun guard in order to make it back into my building from the parking lot. Thank God for my mind! Well anyhow if you live in Denver I suggest you move your nice cars into covered parking PRONTO!

Excellent news part 2!

2004-07-22T11:22:00.000-06:00

This Monkey is getting a promotion! Right on brother...right on!

My Brother - some Hot Shot!

2004-07-20T14:58:00.000-06:00

Here's his secret: he looks just like his dear old sister. That would be...drop dead gorgeous.

I dun told you!

2004-07-20T13:08:00.000-06:00

Update on the the picnic incident: A set of twins who were in attendence had their Mom ask my Wife when they could see me again because they just loved me. Boy I tell you, it's been going on for years but it still feels like the first time. Ladies, I can only give my time and attention to one chica-my Wife, so I'm sorry you are just going to have to make due with hello's and listening to me talk from a distance at company get togethers. Thank you, that is all!

I have excellent news for the world!

2004-07-19T13:59:00.000-06:00

There is no such thing as trip hop! I also have to tell you about my amazing weekend! Right on, let's go! Well it wasn't actually great. I was however able to drink mass quantities of LQ on Saturday and the better halves company picnic. Yes I know, I should be more gracious and subtle and not hover over the kegs like angry bear! What's the fun in that? I honestly drank more than I should have and that was mostly due to the fact that the fucking picnic sucked and I don't know these people! You know when you go somewhere with someone and they have to like do shit and can't actually participate in the get-together, well that was the deal for me lady! She had to do her thing and that left me...naked...alone and drinking! Unfortunately the naked and alone thing really did happen, but that was much farther along in the evening. Anyways, the beer was good and I drank it! I was forced to mingle, so I mingled and the people were enchanted! I must say I put on a damn fine show! I left them in stitches! The sad thing is I worked the magic a little to well. We were invited out to the after parties because they loved my monkey! I told them hey, I can't be giving away my presence like a cheap six-pack of Pabst! I have to conserve the goodness people, so I am sorry but I am going to have to pass on the keggers till dawn. I have an image as a lone wolf to uphold! So we bid them goodnight and I went and passed out fully clothed in the guest bedroom! Which brings me back to the naked and alone statement...how in the hell did I get outside on the porch and who undressed me? Well that is up the cops as for me I will pay my fine and do it all again next weekend!

Press!

2004-07-19T13:41:00.000-06:00

Yes, the Nuggets are getting some solid reviews for their free agent moves. Here are two articles from ESPN and The Sporting News announcing the new kings of the Western Conference!

Well...

2004-07-19T13:38:00.000-06:00

Arnold hates gays! Well not really, but if you are a simple minded left winger with nothing better to do then hop on the PC bandwagon and let's go get us some Austrian ass!

It's done

2004-07-19T13:30:00.000-06:00

Well the kid is moving on so what the hell I guess I'll start posting again since I finally have nothing better to do. Well here is a bright note...the Nuggets are going to rip next year! I can't wait until we play the Timberwolves and Kenyon Martin beats the hell out of Sam Cassels alien head. Damn that dude is ugly...I mean basically his shit is scary! So I am very excited for the up coming season. I hate this lag time between basketball and football; the only thing to watch is baseball. Baseball is fun only when you are drinking and eating junk food. Otherwise you will fall asleep (unfortunately I don’t mean this literally) and wake up sad and out of wack because you just wasted 3 hours watching one sucky team play another sucky team. I prefer watching summer league basketball to watching baseball. That is just me so back off bitches if you don't agree. The upcoming months should be decent with the return of football in August and September and then finally b-ball in late October early November.

Milli Vanilli Song Running Thru My Head....

2004-07-19T12:56:00.000-06:00

I'm in love girl...just in love girl.

And boy oh boy am I EVER. 32 inches of pure entertainment. Stereo sound. My new television. So swaa-eeet!

To see I-Robot, or not to see I-Robot

2004-07-16T09:28:00.000-06:00

Can I stand a Will Smith movie? How long will it be before my hands are over my eyes and I'm thinking - why did I do this? I mean, it looks like an interesting premise. But, then there's Will Smith. I hate it when Will gets jiggy wit it. He's such a cheeseball, and so, so *yawn* - that is what he is. His son Trey has lame-ass rhymes. His wife is just as obnoxious. He's the Fresh Prince. Yo holmes: smell ya lata!

Martha gets Five Months

2004-07-16T09:24:00.000-06:00

Fair I'd say. What, like sending her to the gallows would be better? She was found guilty and will now pay her debt to society. I like Martha. I like her show. It's interesting.

But the question remains: how will Martha be in the joint? Will she pickup bad habits? Her shanks (is this the correct lingo?), will be something to behold, shiny and perfect, with wrapped handles matching their uniforms. Who are we kidding? Martha will have a stable of bitches ready to throw down at the slightest provocation, get her food, clean her clothes and ride the Martha wave each and every night.

I-70 Girder Collapse

2004-07-15T11:16:00.000-06:00

Nice to see the dispatcher is BACK ON THE JOB. Just like I said she would be. Not in the communications department, but somewhere else. Because employees that blatently fail on the job, that are incapable of listening clearly and passing along the message are in short demand!

Ok, so a cop that kills a kid lunging at him with a knife is fired. But a dispatcher that mistakes "girder bowing on I-70" with "crooked sign" thereby condemning a family of 3 to a grisly death gets transferred. Hmm, it's like my Pappy always said: Life ain't fair JacksOne, deal with it."

Ashlee Simpson

2004-07-15T11:08:00.000-06:00

Yes. I watched the show. I got a pretty laugh at the lame attempt of Jessica to rawk out to her sister's "pop" song. Gag me already. Ashlee likes to look like a boy. She also likes to fuck boys, that ain't no virgin, let me tell you. She also thinks it's sweet when the boy-toy brings CARNATIONS and DAISIES. Huh?? Carnations are for lame-brains. It looked like he went and gathered up all the week-old bouqets at King Soopers. How thoughtful! And she gets it because she's a "rock star", because she sings "peesus aaawwwfff maaaaeee".

That song sucks so hard, I can't even describe it. Okay, so maybe it's OK to like the song and hate the singer, as it's okay to hate the game but not the playa. Case in point: I myself like at least 3 Britney Spears song while hating her plastic, curvaceous slutty ass.

Oh hate, hate is such a STRONG word.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Check it out!

2004-07-15T09:33:00.000-06:00

http://craptaculardenverdating.blogspot.com/

My new blog. By me. Of me. For me. And you, of course, the fans.

Yeee-haw!

How I love those christians

2004-07-14T16:32:00.000-06:00

Especially the lazy one here in my office. The one that comes up to my desk right at the MOMENT I return with my delicious Carl's Jr. low-carb burger. He's got one of my files in his hands and says: I really need a copy of the statement. Uh, ok - OOOOHHH, so I see what you REALLY mean is: I really need YOU to copy this statement for me. Even though I am 1.on lunch and #2. we are both 3 feet away from the COPIER. Come on you lazzzy ass! What gives? Your fingers broke? You never seen a big, fancy copier? No, you're just lazy. This is the guy that won't EVER make the coffee, doesn't put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, just leaves them in the sink for the receptionist to get when she leaves for the day. This is that guy - where upon me giving him the copies, he's sitting at his desk eating his lunch and says: oh, I didn't mean to interrupt your lunch - sorry! Whatever Jesus Freak, w-w-whatevah!

But he's a good christian you know, oh yes, he's always praying for one thing or another. Puhleeze.

I hate Ashlee Simpson

2004-07-14T11:07:00.000-06:00

I hate her! I can't stand her! But I have to WATCH THE STOOPID SHOW. But look, America has always welcomed dumb-ass "celebrities" with open arms. You know what I wish? I wish they'd put on the big variety type shows again. I remember one I loved when I was young had one guy and two asian girls and boy was it ever great!

Ahh, look, seems like SIMM17 has granted us with his wonderful presence, how sweet, how quaint. Look the obscenities fly! All over this godsforsaken town.

As a side note: I LOVE Carls' Jr. Delicious! Good fries! So yummy!! I might to have it again for lunch today.

I've got a great new name for my dating blog!

2004-07-14T11:02:00.000-06:00

Craptacular Denver Dating, because dating here is spectacularly crappy. Oh yes it is!!

Oh those Denver cops are at it again!

2004-07-14T10:45:00.000-06:00

Ok, what happened seems very messed up at first glance: why the cops went through the window, the delay in actually going into the house, etc. Let the investigation happen. Oh, and I love how the news is now dropping the "activists want an investigation as to why these things always seem to happen in minority neigborhoods" why, that would be because MORE CRIME happens in those places.

Case in point: Ye Olde Highlands neighborhood. When I moved there in 1991 a fun pastime was sitting on the porch at midnight and later to watch the cops pull over all the drunk drivers leaving the low-rent bars on 32nd and Lowell. Other times I was awoken by the screaming boyfriend/girlfriend drunken fights at 2am. Or all the wonderful tagging that used to take place. Or cars jumping the curb, the driver then stumbling drunk down the sidewalk or the street. I used to call the cops ALL THE TIME. Because the neighborhood was shabby, the rents were cheap and there was a lot of riff-raff around.

Nowadays the riff-raff is still there, but they're cloaked in their best Columbia gear, able to keep their passats/audi/range rovers at a good speed and in the lane, plus they're willing to drop big bucks the high-class bars on 32nd & Lowell, therefore: very little problemos. Slim to none.

So you see, that's why there is more police presence in low-income neighborhoods, there is more crime. That being said, the cop involved will lose his job and the family will get a big, fat check from Denver.

Trying to branch out huh?

2004-07-14T10:32:00.000-06:00

Yes it is true my sis is trying to go out on her own because, "I don't post enough!" Whatever, you see the man has been holding me down and keeping me out for the past couple of months. The man closed Colorado Cafe and that umm other place that was behind it and the man was fucking with my general well being! Yet I took da man down! Fuck da man! That is what I say and do...well not literally you stupid bitches, so men don't get to excited! I am going to post again about nothingness and there is nothing you can do about it! First off............well let me think for a bit, I'll get back to you on that one.

I live in North Denver

2004-07-13T09:07:00.000-06:00

I live my Sloans Lake. I wonder what is being built on the land of the old A&W. Where were the protests to save A&W? Where am I supposed to get my frothy refreshments now? Especially being single, where oh where?

Are there any single men in North Denver? That own their home and don't have a Stop Wal-mart sign in their front yard? That aren't obsessed with their doggies? That actually clean up after said dog when out walking? I see lots of guys running, walking, riding by my house, lots more eating delicious shizzle down on 32nd and Lowell - and I wonder. I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder.

The art of meeting someone is a delicate one indeed. I'm going to get a new job, work downtown, oggle the boys during lunch.

I'm still going to start that new blog!

2004-07-13T09:03:00.000-06:00

As soon as the fantazmagoric new name is thunk up and put down keyboard to screen to you. Then you all will be able to walk down the online dating path with me, and experience all I have experienced and really, really learn so much. And once again, your life will improve drastically, and then you'll be like: gosh darn it I want to online date! Because I've got all the tools! And now I've heard all the stories! And you'll be armed with your special 50-point personality/attraction/IQ/What-kind-of-dog-am-I data enabling you to go on endless, fruitless dates. But hey, it's better than staying home on the weekend. Well. Sometimes it's better.

452 Posts

2004-07-13T08:55:00.000-06:00

That's what I give you people, yes you. And still, you don't phone, you don't write.....you don't comment. But such is life. So I was trolling some personal ads on Nerve, the ladies, because I like to see what I'm up against...and there was the "angrylefty" who kids herself into thinking she is some sort of minority because she regularly listens to NPR and Bill Moyer. Yeah right. Oh, poor you, surrounded by those dumb red-neck conservatives - oh the pain! The misery! Lady - I know where you're coming from, as being a conservative monkey in most matters, I am often up against the boring-close-minded angry leftie, or the boring-close-minded angry rightie and it's gets pretty old. It's like my friend said: JacksOne, you will never meet a cool republican guy, never - so just quit hoping. I have, oh believe me I have. Not only have I given up on meeting a cool republican male monkey (that is single, cute, funny, smart, likes good music, eats meat, is cuddly and smells good) I've completely given up on the entire NOTION that I will EVER have a male Mnky to call my very own. Right or Left. Got it???

I'm starting a New! Blog!

2004-07-12T11:13:00.000-06:00

To counter-effect the notion that Denver is "number one for singles" yeah-right. So's, I'm trying to think up a name, got to be good, grab the readers attention, for that I will turn to one monkey-friend who is A+ at coming up with catchy slogans and sayings. Then: I begin the online dating chronicles, because I feel it's really needed. Are the things I go through normal? Hmm? These are questions that keep this monkey up at night. Should I have Monkey in the title? After all, we're all monkeys. And hopefully, this new blog will enable more and more monkeys to be fucked, and fucked enthusiastically with a lot of feeling. So There. And yes, it will be full of cuss-words and dirty things, I will get the man-monkey-view of online dating, and believe you me, it's a pretty one. As opposed to the woman-monkey-view, which I guess it's all in how you perceive things to be. What the hell do I know? Not a goddamn thing.

Kyuss

2004-07-09T09:38:00.000-06:00

Just got this rawkin CD from Argentina, of argentinian metal bands doing Kyuss covers. It's damn good, very unusual, but very good. Gives you a whole different view of the songs, that is for sure. However, it reaffirms my belief that Josh Homme is a RAWK GOD, the flame-haird Sun for which all other bands revolve. How can you NOT love the man?? How???

So today is Friday

2004-07-09T09:36:00.000-06:00

I guess that's a pretty good thing, better than a Monday, not as good as a Saturday. I am assuming my brother will never post again, not once, not ever. For that, I'm pretty sad. This blog was such a great thing, and now it's just me going on about my boring life and even more boring LOVE LIFE. What love life is that? I don't know about all this political stuff, I'm so over it, really I am. I don't want to hear one more ad or one more blurb or one more photo shoot. I've made up my mind already. Guess who?

Marlon Brando

2004-07-08T11:11:00.000-06:00

I would be remiss not to say a few words about one of my most favorite actors...Mr. Brando. Mr. Brando, it was you that had my heart in junior and high school, I avidly read all biographies, watched all your movies and swooned, oh yes I did! What a gorgeous man, with that big head, like a lion. A smart-ass too. Great combination I think! Why I remember, a couple of years ago, Connie Chung interviewing him, and his total control over it all. One minute flirty, then coy, then condescending, then angry, then funny, then sexy...playing with Connie, like a cat with a mouse, batting her here, batting here there, all the while she giggles and blinks hard....she loved it, every damn minute of it, she was totally hot for Marlon, I could tell. And who wouldn't be? Even at the end, his little 100 pound filipino maid straining to push his wheelchair, he was still MARLON BRANDO.

Reminds me of my favorite Brando story. Upon arriving in Hollywood the studio mucky-mucks said: Marlon, you need anything? You need anything at all, you just let us know. And Marlon said: Can you get my monkey fucked?

Yes Marlon, here on Super Intelligent Mystery Monkeys we CAN get your monkey fucked.

RIP.

Denver/Boulder Number One for Singles?

2004-06-28T15:24:00.000-06:00

Can you believe this crap? Can you believe it? I was sent a link to some sort of article from some sort of magazine that says Denver/Boulder is #1 for singles in America? Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, it IS if you're a trendy little granola, then it's live heaven on earth. If not, it's tre boring...oh it is I am telling you!

Here's a name you haven't heard in a while: the EYE DOCTOR

2004-06-24T16:02:00.000-06:00

You know, when you get down sometimes you don't see those little things that brighten your day. Like a diminutive dish in a tight white t-shirt, streeetching his arms behind him, thereby pulling the shirt tight across his small but very muscular chest. Right on. Good to know the juices are still a'flowin.

The Nuggets just acquired TRACY McGRADY!!!

2004-06-24T14:59:00.000-06:00

Now...wouldn't that be a cool sports headline? To bad it isn't true, oh well I guess I will just have to watch the draft and find out which player I have never heard of they will draft. I guess Globalization can be good! Thanks to the NBA plenty of foreigners are eating well and wearing dope threads! Word UP!

" I did not say I would mow your lawn on Wednesday"

2004-06-24T08:36:00.000-06:00

he said, very-very seriously, pointing his finger, with his smarmy accent. But you did Simms17, you abolutely - positively did say you would MOW MY LAWN ON WEDNESDAY.

You see, when you deal with this Monkey you got to ride him, bug him, pester him, because he is an first-rate, a-plus lazee-ass. So, now he'll dream up ANOTHER excuse for why oh why he can't mow my lawn this weekend: "I didn't say I'd mow your lawn this weekend", "it's raining" , "the grass is wet", "I can't breath, it gives me asthma", "I'll mow it NEXT weekend" etc - etc - etc.

And why does Simms17 have to mow my lawn, as opposed to myself? It's a deal I cut, for the use of my fine european automobile...

An observation:

2004-06-24T08:01:00.000-06:00

London boys answer winks! Ah yes they do! It's heartwarming really. And so - so - so many cute ones too. I actually met a very nice guy last night, he's funny and smart and shares JacksTwo's birthday, which is cool. So....I'll probably never see him again. But this Monkey is wise TO IT. Billy Idol also shares JackTwo's birthday, and I never realized but with rebel yell he cries "MOE MOE MOE...moemoemoooeeee...." Billy Idol was once a baby-doll, now he's a bundle of nerves and wrinkles. Yech.

Dear God what is that thing!?!?

2004-06-23T11:29:00.000-06:00

Oh that...it’s just your run of the mill Southside of Chicago crack head. I just got back from a business trip to Chicago and I have to report that Chicago freaks by far out freak Denver freaks. Kathy Sabine would have been so proud! Yea I’m freakin serious dude, its kind of rad. Well not really, it's kinds of scary, especially when you have to perform a fucking project in the middle of Freakdom and your partner in crime is a fucking oblivious white (I have no clue of what danger is or who bad people are) asshole. I finally had to tell the bitch to roll up her window and lock her fucking doors when entering into a bad neighborhood and please do not feed or associate with the crackies, that only encourages them. On a bright note I ate lunch at the Teamster HQ and am happy to report that those union bastards cook a mean pork loin. All in all Chi-town was not bad, Humidity sucked, I would have liked to have had better company and to not be doing a huge project during the visit. Oh well that is life and shit. Thank God for my Vacation next week.... I can't wait!

Im back!

2004-06-23T11:21:00.000-06:00

Well I have some bad news...my fight to save Colorado Cafe on Speer and Federal has died. Yes folks I came up short but still I feel like...in someway I became a man while fighting DA MAN! It fucking sucks yo! Where now can I go to get my $1.99 steak and eggs? Deggos...Coral Room? NOWHERE, that's where! Oh well I guess you could look at the bright side and say that thousands of stray north Denver cats no longer have to live in fear of death at the hands of the mighty CC Chef. How else do you think those damn steaks prices where kept so low? I promise to never abandon you bitches ever again and that's word.

Citation for Stupidity

2004-06-22T10:42:00.000-06:00

Just finished reading an article in the RMN about an old, senile couple who took in two stray pit bulls that ended up attacking them. Huh? Stupid asses, stupid asses like this just piss me off. God's little humanitarians. Pit bulls are mean, stupid dogs, and I've yet to see one that shows me different. They're usually being lead around by mean, stupid people. And so these chumps find two on the street and take them in? Oh, yeah and it's okay to have the grandson go play in the backyard with the new sweet, sweet doggies? And you're SURPRISED they ended up attacking? Sometimes, people just piss me off. Dogs too. Dogs and people, just don't get me started! I have found that most people who love their doggies to death, don't have that great of people skills. Go figure.

Have you checked out Rasputin's penis?

2004-06-21T13:07:00.000-06:00

All preserved...it's mind-blowing! You see, big penis = power. You can't deny it, the legend of a big penis will live long after the man has died. Milton Berle for instance. Who else, who else? And, men who are well-endowed always have to TELL you they're well-endowed, and some even send pictures as proof, I love those types of men. Yep, and men from Turkey who answer your ad online ALSO have to tell you how big "they" are. It's like you can't escape - but wait - who WANTS TO?

Is anybody tired that this blog no longer has one damn thing to do with politics? I feel like I'm striking out in new territory, showing all you peeps that just because you're conservative doesn't mean you're some uptight little weenie! Get it??? HAHAHA

I'm flipping through the North Denver Tribune this weekend

2004-06-21T09:26:00.000-06:00

And those lame-ass peace-lovin Grannies were right in my backyard! Where was I?? Probably mourning my non-event UKB bitter past now what thing. Blech. It's so asinine and high school drama bullshit. Aren't we funny? Aren't we cool? Aren't we way smarter than you? Uh, no....no....and no. They had the greatest letter though in the paper, from a long-time North Denverite thanking all the newcomers that know what's best for ALL of us, oh yes, it was heart-warming! And so right on! They do know best. So just sit back and let them do all the thinking for you. It's the easiest that way.

I'm getting a sign made for my yard. It will have the stop-sign, but instead of saying "stop" it will say "submit", and beneath it "to WalMart"

So John Kerry's in Denver today

2004-06-21T09:21:00.000-06:00

Big fucking deal. Will any Republicans go out and demonstrate against him? And, if so, will we see lots of time spent by local channels interviewing said protesters? I don't think so. Anyway, conservatives have to do things like WORK, so they have little time to be out there wasting time, I mean, we have much better things to do, like exploiting the downtrodden, closing public housing, kicking around the homeless, eating caviar and endangered fishies and driving our big gas-guzzling American SUV's. What a life I tell you - what a life!!

Back to ONLINE DATING - woohoo!!!

2004-06-21T09:19:00.000-06:00

Here's the funny thing, a guy that sent me an email over a year ago just sent me another, and I'm pretty sure it's the same damn letter with no changes at all! Once I was naive, now I am not - so NO ANSWER. That's right! It's a cold, hard impersonal personal online world. Feelings are meaningless, so don't have any. People are weird. People can't write. But what's a Monkey to do? Hmmmm? Monkies need love too.

Who's that Girl?

2004-06-19T10:15:00.002-06:00

Quein esta nina? It's Madonna - er, Esther. It's Esther. Leave it to Madonna to corrupt a beautiful religion. I wish she would of found Islam, and now she'd be covered from head to toe in her burka. Ahhh, one can dream. I like Madonna, I have all of her albums, sans the last, but once she gets political I just roll my eyes. These chumps are here to ENTERTAIN ME, they are blank as can be, and they've seen it before and they've done it before and they think that they like it but no they don't like it, and that's what I like - don't start pontificating you megarich bitch - I don't have the time. You don't know ME, or how I live, you're so far off in your own little land, I don't give a goddamn what you think about GW, not one bit. Just help me dance, for inspiration.

And Morrissey: I liked you better when your loathing was self-directed. Get a life. Better yet: get fucked. I think you just may like it.

I probably got that spanish wrong up there, sue me.

Wednesday

2004-06-19T10:15:00.001-06:00

I drove around this cold, wet town, listened to Queens of the Stone Age, full blast, head on, shaking windows and vibrating my body and I felt better and stronger and faster. I felt bionic. This monkey is BACK yeahhaaaaawwwww!

Phew!

2004-06-19T10:15:00.000-06:00

This past week was a hard one, crying big old monkey tears at the drop of a bananna - but not now! Resiliant! That's me! Life, it's all about expression, you only live once and you're not coming back, so express yourself.

The jungle is a hard place,and it can get you down, way down low. But - so what? You get back up and climb the vine my man.

My monkey is out there, and I'll find him and then I'll have my way bwaahahahahah

Went to the People's Fair this weekend

2004-06-07T10:59:00.000-06:00

I always like it, it's always pretty fun...ESPECIALLY the Demented Grannies, who run around in Little House on the Prairie dresses and sing their silly little songs about big bad bombs and GW. Puhleeze. I'm venturing a guess here: old white ladies...upper-middle-class, Mums and Pops paid for college, you married right after (just like you supposed to!), had your 3.5 children or whatever, but you've got the kids! Let's see, you were teachers or social workers, no other choice, now you're all bored and SCARED about G-dub! Bombing everyone! Making "them" hate us even more! Hate is bad! Peace is Good!!

They remind me of a whole gaggle of ladies-who-lunch, and one time I was lunching with them, and the presumed I would vote for Hillary Clinton for President, you know, because we both have vaginas or something. They were AGHAST when I said -uh, no way. I then proceeded to explain why that would NEVER happen, and I would NEVER vote for a woman JUST BECAUSE she is a woman.

These women remind me of them - all pat answers and slogans and nonsense. They give women a bad name, like we're all peace-at-any-cost kind of pacifists, we can't handle the truth. Stupid old bitches, that what I always say.

.....

2004-06-01T12:02:00.000-06:00

I really do not feel like writing anything today. All I can think about is how badly I want to go on Vaction. There that is may post. SEE YA!

Will My Lazy-Ass Monkey Bro Post Today?

2004-06-01T10:13:00.000-06:00

He says he will, we'll just see about that. He's going through sports withdrawal, when he watches Sports Center at night, it's like he's staring off into nothingness, poor kid. Maybe it's time to take another look at the Rockies.

I hate Rocky DiSpirto with a Red Hot Passion

2004-05-29T20:37:00.001-06:00

What a pompous little prick. Signing his book before casting his weak-kneed glance all around then pulling a crumpled up review from his back pocket and firing this guy. He's such an asshole, it's almost unbelievable. Will this affect his popularity AT ALL? It should. Listen, he's not that cute, he looks greasy most of the time, and he dresses way too trendy, he's gross and demeaning to women, yuck, and these women just lap it up, I guess it's true your ego would be pretty big were you Rocky Balboa-DiSiprto, if his right hand doesn't getcha then the left one will, you got a faithful wife, you can cook, you're going bald but you cover it up pretty well, you're eye of the tiger.... He's a real idiot. I don't understand, please let this show wreck his career. But who am I kidding? He'll only get bigger.

My UKB, some HotShot....

2004-05-29T20:37:00.000-06:00

He's "besotted" with me, can you believe it?? Isn't that the best? To be the object of besotted-ness? It feels totally great and I love it so much. This could get very, very interesting.

Boo Birds

2004-05-24T15:11:00.000-06:00

Tell me again, what does this have to do with graduating? Oh right, nothing, it has nothing at all to do with gradutating. It is simply and opportunity for a good ole lefty to rant and rave about our President. Look bitch if you want to rant and rave then do it on your own time...like I DO!

Die...please?

2004-05-24T15:04:00.000-06:00

No Andy...it will not be in history books because it was just and isolated incident and frankly you old crusty douche bag...it wasn't torture. Torture would be to wash your scaly back with the tiniest sponge. Forced to clean every nook and cranny...my god…excuse me. I knew this airline barf bag would come in handy some day. Of course this isn’t the first time I have been ready to beat some old geriatric ass!

Post post!

2004-05-24T14:51:00.000-06:00

I don't feel like posting today. I have nothing to say! I want the three-day weekend to come so badly! The month of June will be a busy month. I have to go to Chicago for 2 weeks right in the middle of the month...not really looking forward to that. The thing is I have the last week of June off. I am not supposed to cuss. My Mom say I am to dazzle you with my superb vocab! Try this one on for size...SUPERCALAFRAGILISTICEXPEALIDOCIOUS! I probably spelled that wrong... ahh who fucking cares!

I just can't quit gushing about the UKB

2004-05-24T12:25:00.000-06:00

And not in a "gushing orgasm" sort of way, but rather in a chirpy, thousand-words-a-minute gushy-girlie way. He went on a TWENTY MILE WALK yesterday, whatta guy! And can you IMAGINE those thighs? I know I can! It's great when one can objectify the male across the ocean! What a small and wonderful world we live in! Fortunately for us, we are free-minded products of Western Civilazation, which means we can like one another, we can go out and have drinks, we can hold hands, we can kiss, we can even make love (you dig) without threats of, oh, mutilation, the acid-in-face thing, the brother-killing-sister thing, the honor-killing-thing....yes that's right! It's great to be free!

Of course, he's got to get HERE to the Mile Hi City, before these good things can happen...but they will! You betcha!

So, what things shouldn't he miss in Denver? I know, CASA BONITA, but what else? What else?

Franz Ferdinand

2004-05-24T12:15:00.000-06:00

ALL OVER MTV, so's I picked up the CD, it's damn good, they're from Scotland - and everyone knows my most favorite boyfriend is from Scotland, that'd be the UKB. Of course, my most favorite boyfriend of the ENTIRE UNIVERSE hails from Califor-knee, yes that's Josh. *sigh*

There ain't no Butter Churnin going on in Colonial Times

2004-05-24T12:11:00.000-06:00

Why? Because they're all to busy making their 21st century STAND. I hate this show, and I don't care if they're bringing in new people, I still hate it. Bunch of publicity ho's out for their 15 minutes with nary a thought of keeping it "17th Century Real". Oh, I don't want to cover my hair, oh I don't want to attend service, oh I don't want to curb my profanity.

Listen, all you know these Monkeys here have dirty, dirty mouths. BUT, were we to agree to appear on the show you'd hear nary a cussword, unbelievable I know - but OH SO TRUE.

That being said, sure I'll tune in tonight to get my hate on.

Why Colonial House SUCKED...or wasn't very Entertaining

2004-05-21T15:57:00.000-06:00

Listen, I want to see what it was like to live during those times...I DO NOT want to see how narcissitic modern-day aholes live during make believe Colonial times.

Commit blasphemy? You're burned at the stake. Don't attend Sabbath service? You're just asking for hellfire damnation to rain upon your sorry head.

No, instead we get the strident uber-fem, chip on the shoulder at the ready "would I martyr myself if I really lived during this time?" Uh, no, you wouldn't because you'd be too busy surviving to worry about making your stand.

Oh, then there's the guy who feels the need to announce he's gay. So what? What does this have to do with Colonial times again? Nuthin. That's why it sucks.

See what happens in Colonial times when people stop being polite and start getting real. Whatevah.

Wash that darn thing out with soap!

2004-05-21T15:56:00.000-06:00

Fuck! I just called someone a filthy cunt rag...and that someone happen to be my bosses bosses boss......wheeeeww I just realized that it was all in my mind. Thank God for inner-mind dialogue or else this cat would be out in the alley scraping to get by. Laterz peeps and peace out to Killa Cos!

It is almost time for sweet nothinness!

2004-05-21T15:31:00.000-06:00

I heart the weekends! I look forward to doing nothing this weekend...and I can because this is America punk!

Dammit bitch shut your trap!

2004-05-21T15:27:00.000-06:00

Nancy "IMMACUNT" Pelosi is at it again spitting her dangerous liberal rhetoric to whoever will listen. We are onto to you Nancy! Check out the Nancy line if you dare!

Can't I make a doller?

2004-05-21T14:48:00.000-06:00

DAMMIT! I knew they would catch on to my super secret hidden camera thingy. Right when I was about to make some big bucks with the live streaming and money shots! Oh wait that isn't me...ummm anyways don't look under your desk unless you want a big surprise!

Word up Cos!

2004-05-21T14:46:00.000-06:00

Bill Cosby has had it with Ebonics! Damn that man sells some good puddin!

Well darn if it isn't Friday

2004-05-21T13:15:00.000-06:00

Golly, I wish it were Monday, because then I'd have FOUR WHOLE DAYS to work my little fingers to the bone! JacksTwo said we cuss too much, which is pretty funny considering the blue streak pouring out of her mouth at times. So, this post I will have not ONE bad word! By the way...did you check out the little-nip'd boobie body of John Kerry's daughter? What a whore! T-t-t-that's all Folks!

Ummmmm.....

2004-05-18T15:13:00.000-06:00

I'm drawing a.....blank.....this Monkey has Wednesday off, and I'm gonna brew up some Meth and sit on my porch in my wife-beater and sip my Pabst. Because that's how I break it down in NW Denver, and yes, my neighbors love me, my special Meth concoction gives them unlimited energy to trim their lawns and walk their doggies and ride their bikes without end.

I watched Colonial House

2004-05-18T15:10:00.000-06:00

Some dishes on there, let me tell you. As they get skinnier and scruffier they'll only get, you guessed it, cuter. I also find it annoying how these modern-day women like to get all high and mighty and impose their 21st century ideals on the 17th century make-believe town. Uh bitch? Shaddup and work, that's your role, deal with it.

SIMMS17 is Turning Over A New Leaf!

2004-05-18T14:56:00.000-06:00

And it wasn't that my post below really made him stop and think, no, it was MTV's inferno. He said as he watched the two hoochies going at it (that'd be Veronica and Katie) he realized that fighting never solves anything, ever, that's it's always wrong, not matter what, and that he has learned the errors of his bad-ass Monkey ways.

To which I say: oh who is the Pussy now SIMMS17???

You got to keep the posts coming!

2004-05-18T12:25:00.000-06:00

I can't tell you how many times I have told my sister that just because you posted a bunch on one day that does not give you the right to not post anything the NEXT! Kids these days! My co-workers took me out to Benihanas yesterday! I love that place and especially love it when I don't have to pay for the meal! I have to admit I almost lost it. Yes, honestly I did and I will tell you why...people that’s why. These old hooch and her young hooch sat down to eat and ordered all this stuff and then didn't eat it. I mean PEOPLE HOW CAN YOU NOT EAT THE FRIED RICE! They insulted the Chef, I mean Jose was pissed! I was like hey, yo it's cool just send that fried rice my way. I guess it all worked out for the best because I was able to eat double the rice for no price. What a deal biatchs! I suppose I should post something about what is going on in the world, but I just don't have the stomach for it today. It is just one of those days when you sit back and say fuck-em cause I don't want to deal with this shit today. Plus I have to go to the doctor for like 3 hours so that's lame. I hope I can get out early and make it to the Happy hour at my work!

Maybe, maybe it's time to turn over a new leaf

2004-05-17T16:12:00.000-06:00

Cast aside the snide remarks, the snickers, the sarcasm. Maybe it's time to extend the hand, in friendship and love. Maybe it's time to listen, REALLY LISTEN as to why Wesley Clark nee Kerry would work for us. Maybe it's time to quit judging based on the boring factor. Maybe it's time to say - hey, taking photos with a digital camera takes just as much talent at the regular old-timey type camera shots do. Maybe it's time to admit that dammit, VW's are a good deal. Maybe it's time to say, rock climbing/hiking/biking is FUN. Maybe, just maybe I'm onto something here, a kinder, gentler Monkey, more palatable to the common Curious Stranger.....

Naaawwwww.

I've Got This Feeling and It's Deep In My Body

2004-05-17T16:09:00.000-06:00

It makes me wiggle and it makes my rump shake I said wha? If I should touch you you might be electrocuted- deep in your body you will get your first taste I said ....

Curiously enough, I'm getting a little turned on, who is this Curious Stranger, and is he cute?

Curious Stranger: It's time to love your Monkey. You want it, you know it, admit it.

The EDGE - Grandma's edge that is - and YES BABY I can HANDLE THAT

2004-05-17T16:01:00.000-06:00

First off, been here ten years and still a stranger? Ok. Second off, still going to Prim-ass concerts? Ok. Thirdly drive a VW STATION WAGON? Ok. Take digital pictures of slang Lake sunsets (sigh, so pretty-pretty little kitten)? Ok. That ain't havin an "Edge" guy and I'm here to set you straight. Does having the "Edge" have anything to do with RightGuard deodorant? Cause that's what it smells like.

Go whine to Wesley Clark, you're both losers.

THE END. The Monkeys Have Spoken.

Curiouser and Curiouser

2004-05-17T15:38:00.000-06:00

Curious stranger, you think you got edge? Let me see.... you have edge because sometimes, when provoked by a real car like say a BMW or SAAB you speed up to 76 in the fast lane? You got edge like a crack-head has discipline. You say you have too much edge than my sister would know what to do with. Sounds like you are trying to overstate something. The edge you have is slim and short. The only edge have is the one you climb on while in your outdoor excursions. See anyone who has to say they have edge doesn't have it. People who have edge just have it and other people know it. There is nothing edgy about 32nd or Sloans Lake. That was lost many years ago. Now trendy that is what you have and if you had said that then I would have bought you a beer...probably a micro-brew. The point is you would have won and that would have been that! Too bad Razor, better luck next time Sharpie!

Interesting

2004-05-17T15:34:00.000-06:00

Lots of people search for Kathy Sabine eating girthy hot dogs. Now that is something I would pay to see! No rain tonight folks cause Kathy is hitting the nail on the head...you dig? Kathy is taking in all the precipitation that the BIG GIRTHY ALL AMERICAN BEEFYNESS can give! Ughh I think I just grossed myself out.

I'm way old school!

2004-05-17T15:15:00.000-06:00

True indeed this cat can become "confrontational", when even provoked slightly. My shoulders are large and I have been known to check a bitch...literally. Anyways fuckwads, like I was saying, or I guess thinking. 10 years isn't shit. That means you never lived here when the Original Elitch’s was holding down 38th. That means you were never lived here when Pferfppfeoijho Park or whatever the park on Wolf and Moncrieff is called, was where NSM hung out. The backboards and restrooms were tagged, the hoops had bloody chains for nets and that fat kid known as Loot One was out tagging up all the stop signs! That was all back in the day when Cinco De Mayo was insane! Now that my friend is ole school and if you know that, then you can call yourself a North Denverite. I’m not saying that things were better back then, but don’t try to come off like you have been here through the lean years. If you don’t own a house in the Highlands with at least 200,000 in equity then you are new. Look bitchs' I know you scared, I know that you don't like it when the low riders cruise on Feds and that is why you are scared to death to drive on that street at night on the weekends. There is nothing to fear, you will probably be made fun, but hey that is the same shit you pull when they drive down 32nd. Yet I am sure that you say under your breath as to avoid a beat down. Honestly I love it when stuff like that happens. If I am not in the middle of it then you can probably hear me yelling in the background, ...Hit em...hit em in the face! As Psycho Realm said...why'd you have to fuck with us? I had to show you I was scandalous!

I saw the GIRTHY Commercial

2004-05-17T08:56:00.000-06:00

That fat boy wants big girthy cocks shoved down his throat, over and over and over.

Way sickening - whatever happened to MJ schilling the dogs huh? Those were the days...

Curious Stranger? I ain't curious enough to investigate further

2004-05-17T08:50:00.000-06:00

Are going to have to throw down? Will this monkey have to wipe the ashpalt with yet another sad white boy? Or, I know, let's have a DANCE OFF, then we'll really break it down, cause if there is one thing these monkeys can do that is trip the light fantastic.

Blah! I don't want to read any shizzle from no man no how no way. SIMMS - what say you? That's the crazy monkey, the one to really watch out for.

Oh, ten years in the Highlands? Sorry Charlie, you just missed the grandfather clause. Pack up the VW and head west my boy, right behind the others.

Cuba Libre -

2004-05-15T22:33:00.002-06:00

Cause wanton posting, disregarding any sense of meaning or coherence. But, you know, that's what makes blogging so fucking great.

Shameful Admission

2004-05-15T22:33:00.001-06:00

I'd do every stinking member of No Doubt. Starting with the drummer. He reminds me of one perfectly beautiful little blond baby punk rocker from my high school days, all big blue eyes, rosy cheeks and nice ass. Funny things is, I still communicate with said high school dish. He's still got the mona-lisa smile that drives the chickies craazzzeee.

I don't know about Gwen though, she's pretty flat chested.

Hey Kid ----

2004-05-15T22:33:00.000-06:00

They don't call it "Ball" park for nothing.

Quick summary of last nights get-together

2004-05-14T16:03:00.000-06:00

- Ladies come in
- I leave the room.
- Ladies drink.
- I drink.
- Kid annoys me.
- I kick kid.
- Kid cries to Mom.
- Mom confronts me.
- I accidentally and allegedly "feel up" Mom.
- Mom gets more upset.
- Wife, family and guests get upset
- I try to make up for it by clearing glasses and getting more drinks.
- I spill drinks on kids Mom
- I accidentally and allegedly try to "undress" Mom.
- I walk away
- I break three glasses
- Wife, family and guests are more upset
- Pass out in the bathroom
- Sleepy time!

I love hanging out and making new friends!

Girthy...uhh...what was that?

2004-05-14T15:55:00.000-06:00

Has anyone else seen the new Ball Park Frank commercial and been as shocked as I was? Ok if you haven't seen it here is a summary. Fat guy grilling hot dogs. Fat guy talking about how he loves the taste of Thick Girthy Hot Dogs. Fat guy talking about how he loves anything girthy and the word girthy itself. Fat guy takes a big huge bite of hot dog and makes a face like he is having and orgasm and looks into the camera and says really porno like, "...mmmmm, Grrrthhhyyyy". Who's idea was this and how did it get passed the cutting room? If there is one thing that does not make me want a Ball Park Frank, it is a fat guy getting porno with me over girth. My God Man pull yourself together!

Chapter Whatever in the Saga of JacksOne communication with an Insane Graphic Designer with too much time of his hands, 2-2-2 much time....

2004-05-14T13:32:00.000-06:00

JacksOne wrote: Oh, I thought you were referring to the classic Dustin Hoffman flick, with the famous dental torture scene, not to be outdone by the infamous man-on-man sexual drama played out in Iraq with all those poor whittle prisoners. Never being one to shy away from gay porn, I'm very curious to see the REAL graphic stuff, nice close ups of the entries and exits, if you catch my drift - anyways like I always say: in the Middle East man-to-man love is like an everyday magical happening - because the woman is forbidden (oooo) but the men can get in on like jack rabbits! Or camels! Allah approved! I digress.

What filming style would that be? Shaky hand-held camera style, all crazy going every which way? But loose? ANOTHER classic movie...

To which the WEGD (wild-eyed Graphic D) replied:
Nice banter! I am referring to the over sensationalized game show host, fake crowd cheers, HUGE smiles with crater sized dimples in the cheeks - speaking of cheeks isn't that where a US Soldier from Alabama tucks his rifle and his two hand granades when his sister isn't near by? Cheeks of an iraqi prisoner that is - not too surprising about the be-heading is it? What is the point of the Geneva conventions anyway, if they don't follow established protocol what are you going to do - wage war on them???

Now, some of the shizzle he says is a little like regurgiating bullet points from ABC Nightly News. HOWEVER, since he's a dish I ignore.

UKB - know what that means?

2004-05-14T13:16:00.000-06:00

United Kingdom Boyfriend. How about UGF? Ugly Girl Friend. One in particular, the ugliest girl around with the crappiest car I've ever seen. I digress. MCR? Motley Crue Reject. I could go on but shall spare all you alls.

The Eye Doctor is such a Hottie

2004-05-14T13:15:00.000-06:00

I hope I'm bugging all you alls! You know who I'm talking to.

The Answer? It's blowing in the Wind

2004-05-14T13:05:00.000-06:00

So I went to the little party last night, and I say to you, my monkies: What Gives? This monkey is ANTI-SOCIAL, and I come from a long, long line of anti-social monkies, harkening back to the GWF (the Great White Father to the uninformed). The Wife must learn this, as the Husband of JacksTwo did: we're just assholes. We are. That's right - not only are we a disarmingly good-looking band of monkeys, we don't like other monkeys much, although we're always unfailingly polite. AND, we're sarcastic, AND we get laughs at the expense of others AND one another, AND we're way cool, AND we can kick serious ass AND we have kicked serious ass, you will know us by the trail of dead, which is a purty good band too.

That being said, I ended up buying a candle. But it was nice and I have a perfect place for it.

Life, it is a changing

2004-05-13T13:40:00.000-06:00

Boy is it ever. My Wife has turned me into a social butterfly. We are always going out with people and doing that whole small talk, BS thang! I am also out doing community shit like 24 7. We have done the Walk for Breast Cancer, the Snow Shoe for Breast Cancer, Haley Foundation Golf thing, 9News Health Fair, protested against Walmart, protest for Walmart, thrown red paint on faux fur and fought for doggy rights in Denver. Well not really, we didn't do any of the Breast and Health stuff. Ok you dirty dogs, you got me I'm faking you out, showing you my left so I can sock it to you with my right! Honestly we have been doing that health, golf breast thing and it's not that bad I guess. Now she wants to do a Triathlon for breast cancer, thank God I am excluded from that, thanks to the fact I have a penis. Well tonight is the night of her big shindig so I will do my part. I plan on getting drunk and making an embarrassment of myself and family. I'll let you all know how it goes. Shalom!

Oh that...that was nothing.

2004-05-13T12:57:00.000-06:00

As Bobby Deniro said, "Fucking Greeks".Greek authorities have played down the triple bombing of the police precinct, which occurred in the pre-dawn hours...as the work of anarchists who regularly set off minor explosions near banks or government buildings... This all the more reason not to go to Athens for the Olympics. These fucks they have in charge don't take threats or terrorism seriously. I can already see a horrible repeat of Munich. I hope and pray nothing like that happens but when you hear the casual brush off of comments and actions like these then you have to wonder. Look assholes there is no difference between anarchists and terrorists. So don't make a distinction between them just take action!

Go to Athens?

2004-05-13T12:06:00.000-06:00

Yeah right. Mark my words: this olympics will be the lowest attenedance event EVER. There WILL BE islamist bullshit going on - count on it. Also, count on the fact that nobody will take a closer look or keep an eye on the fucking arab assholes that will be all over.

Once I wanted to go to Greece, maybe someday down the road I will, but not for a while. I'll stick with Australia for now, and as I state below, I'm bringing the BRITS to ME! Bwa-ha-ha.

George Washington would be so proud of me!

No one wants to go...for good reasons!

2004-05-13T08:58:00.000-06:00

Someone is trying to sell their trip to Athens and the Summer Olympics at my work. The trip is the following:
Two airline tickets to Athens on International Transatlantic Air that leave from New York (extra fees involved if not leaving from New York).
Accommodations at the Cecil Hotel, a Tourist Class hotel located in the heart of Old Athens. This is a standard room for six nights. This hotel is located convenient to the Suburban Railway, which will provide access to a number of venues either directly or in combination with special shuttle service. The hotel facilities, location and magnificent view make this an ideal location for Olympic guests. Breakfast is included.
Event tickets to:
Opening Ceremony on 8/13/04 @ 9pm
Football (soccer) prelim match on 8/14/04 @ 6pm
Tennis - first round singles on 8/15/04 @ 5pm
*note that additional event tickets can still be purchased and are available at face value online
Traveler's insurance (which covers for trip cancellation, trip delay, accident/medical expense, accidental death and dismemberment, medical evacuation/repatriation, baggage/personal effects, baggage delay and assistant services).

I guess they originally paid 12,000 for it and are trying to sell it for less than half that. No one is biting; it has been on our intranet for months. This is just insane; whoever thought bringing the Olympics back to Greece was a good idea was smoking some bad shit. It is way to radical and way, way to close to the Middle East. Now there are bombings and threats against Westerners if they visit for the Summer Olympics. They should move the Olympics somewhere else. Half the accommodations and arenas for the events are not even completed yet! They still have time to make it right and send it somewhere else. Then again these are the same people who Awarded China the next Summer games.

Trickery!

2004-05-12T15:40:00.000-06:00

Kathy was seen protesting the Elitch's Walmart with John Kerry, Ed Sardella and Phil Keating. They smeared themselves with non-dairy cheese and soymilk. The chant, "Walmart Never, Alfalfas or Trader Joes NOW", could be heard from miles around. Things got a little heated when some local pooches were let loose and began attaching the protesters. Thank God for "Kathy Sabine", her quick weather wits saved the day when she ordered the other three protesters into the Discovery. I was sorry to hear that the leather was ruined and the stench itself may never leave the car. I guess that's what happens when Kathy Sabine, John Kerry, Ed Sardella and Phil Keating’s bodies start slappin...from doing the wild thang!